Nobody 770
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Nobody # 770
Nobody Asked Me But:
MONDAY, May 25
Let’s give it up for Colin Powell! YOU GO COLIN! Rip the Cheney-Rush-Fox Right a new hole!
TUESDAY, May 26
I like Obama's choice for the Supreme Court. Judge Sonia Sotomayor was a strong second to Judge Diane P. Wood on my list. Actually the Pres could not have gone wrong with any of those on his list. It is, collectively, the best group of possibilities that I can remember. I would have preferred a "take no prisoners" liberal in the mold of Justice Brennen to offset Scalia and Roberts, but I have no real complaint. Judge Sotomayor is an excellent choice, and she will be outstanding.
Wednesday, May 27
I wrote this at the conclusion of my 100th Nobody in May of 1997, 670 Nobodies ago. As Paul Simon wrote in “The Boxer,” “After changes upon changes/Things are more or less the same/After changes things are more or less the same.”
But this is only the beginning. To paraphrase Jimmy Durante, "you ain't read nothing yet." In the next 100, I want to be more creative. I want to spend as much time suggesting solutions as identifying problems. And in the 100 after that, who knows?
In the meantime, tonight is celebration time. I am going to take my best girl to our favorite restaurant (LaFrite). We will drink gimlets and good wine, eat crepes and chocolate soufflé and hold hands.<<
Thursday, May 28
All Patriot Act fans, please sign at the end of the statement.
1. Being innocent, I have nothing to fear from the Patriot Act.
Because
2. Those who enforce it have never mistaken an innocent person for a guilty one.
Signed___________________
Friday, May 31 (Happy Birthday Vicki)
I take back what I wrote Tuesday in praise of the Sotomayor appointment. I have been listening all week to the Right wing arguments against confirming Judge Sotomayor to the Supreme Court, and I must admit that some are quite convincing. Here are three examples:
1. The way she pronounces her name is unnatural.
2. Her fondness for Puerto Rican cuisine may cloud her impartially.
3. She is a spender, not a saver, and does not have enough money in her retirement account.
Come on President Barack. You can surely find someone without these grave character faults.
Saturday, May 30
Girly-man: Is this the Rush-Cheney Right’s new nickname for their former hero, Gen. David Petraeus, now that he has come out as anti-torture and pro-closing Gitmo?
I guess this means that he won’t be the Right candidate for President in 2012.
Sunday, May 31
Not torture, toothpaste!
Dick Cheney says that “enhanced interrogation tactics” work, as proven by the fact that we have had no terrorist’s attacks since they were used. But he is wrong this time. I changed brands of toothpaste right after 9/11 and we have had no terrorist attacks since then. So Colgate should get the credit.
Nobody 769
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Nobody # 769
Nobody Asked Me But:
MONDAY, May 18
Dr.Laker and Mr. Hyde: Hyde ignores defense. Laker guards all over the court. Hyde ho-hums games. Laker leaves it all on the floor. To Hyde there is always tomorrow. Laker lives for today. Dr. Laker showed up yesterday and the Rockets had no chance.
It will be the same for Denver IF Laker can keep Gasol interested, Odom intense, Bynum awake and Hyde caught somewhere in LA traffic.
TUESDAY, May 19
Second Aide: “You had better not go in there. VP Guy is really angry, and he’s got that trophy shotgun hanging on the wall.”
First Aid: “He called me. I’ve got to go in.”
First Aid: (tiptoeing in and closing the door) “You wanted to see me sir?”
Cheney, growling: “Did you see 24 last night?”
Cheney: (not waiting for an answer) “That God-damned Jack Bauer betrayed his country. Betrayed me too – and I trusted the SOB.”
First Aid: “What do you mean sir?”
Cheney: “It was the season finale and he’s dying. But does he die like a man – proud of the way he tortured people to save his country? No! That pansy has ambivalent feelings about his actions.”
Cheney: “Namby-pamby. If Rummy and Yoo and I had had mixed feelings about putting the screws to those bastard traitors who knows what would have happened to this country.”
First Aid: “Sir, I wasn’t around back then.”
Cheney – “Not you, Yoo. Asian guy, lawyer. Really smart about torture and bending the Constitution.”
Cheney: (thoughtful for a moment – then smiles) – “Listen you. Get a hold of Keefer Sutherland’s people. See if he wants to go bird hunting. . I’ll fill him with buckshot and say that Mr. Closet Liberal was trying to head-butt me.”
Wednesday, May 20
URGENT BULLETIN – CALLING ALL DOGS! BEWARE! MICHAEL VICK WAS RELEASED FROM PRISON YESTERDAY!
Thursday, May 21
Hot tip: Check out this new poet at http://www.straitjacketsmagazine.com/support4/table.contents.summer2009.htm. Modesty prevents me from mentioning his name, but I will tell you that his initials are JT. And he also wrote the Books Into Films column.
Friday, May 22
Cheney – “Skilled and trained C.I.A. agents gained invaluable intelligence that saved lives by using methods ruled legal by administration lawyers.”
Reporter – “Sir. What invaluable intelligence? Could you give us an example?”
Cheney – That’s easy. For one thing they discovered where Sadam was hiding his WMDs.”
Saturday, May 23
Yesterday, LA Councilman Bernard Parks warned that soaring payroll and pension costs threaten the city’s financial stability. When asked about his own yearly salary of $178,789 he replied, “I earn mine.” When asked about the additional $22,000 in retirement benefits he receives per month (for having been LA Chief of Police) Parks said, “My wife and I are barely getting by.”
Sunday, May 24
This week’s Contempt Award goes to – those Republicans in Congress and in the media who are making a phony issue out of the closing of Guantánamo Bay by playing on America’s fear of terrorism.
Tied for second: Congressional Democrats for being gutless and falling in line with the Republicans, and those Americans who so willingly sacrifice ideals for the illusion of safety.
Nobody 768
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Nobody # 768
Nobody Asked Me But:
Monday, May 11
Last week I wrote about the necessary ingredients for a successful relationship. I am most certainly not an expert on the subject, but over the years I have learned a few things from my successes and even more from my failures. (Please note – I am not talking about failed relationships but of failures small and large within a relationship.)
So here is my thought for today about the subject:
Except in those very few things that are vital to your ability to love her or him, (such things as being faithful, being funny, etc. - they differ from person to person) do not try to change your partner. Love “me,” love my petty annoyances because, just like the good stuff, they are ME.
Tuesday, May 12
Nancy Perosi on waterboarding: “I have always been against it, ….except when I wasn’t.”
Wednesday, May 13
(Yes, it’s a sex drug too.)
Baseball official to Manny: “So you admit that you knew that HCG ( Human Chorionic Gonadotrophin ) was a performance-enhancing substance when you took it?”
Manny: “Yes, and I am ashamed.”
Manny: “But you have it all wrong.”
Manny: “I wasn’t trying to keep up with advancing age.”
Manny: “I was trying to keep it up with advancing age.”
Thursday, May 14
This week’s dumber than dumb award goes to Governor Terminator, who wants to sell the Los Angeles Memorial Coliseum, San Quentin State Prison, the Orange County Fairgrounds and other state property to raise cash amid the state's growing fiscal crisis.
And rumor has it that he already has one buyer – Ritz Carlton, who wants to turn San Quentin into a time-share.
Friday, May 15
Is the President morphing into his predecessor on the treatment of war prisoners and suspected terrorists? In both the release of the photos and the use of military tribunals, his first instinct was the correct one and his second the “Right” one. We don’t need another “Mad-dog” Cheney in the White House.
Has he really embraced the Bush/Cheney doctrine that convictions are more important than justice?
Saturday, May 16
Is nothing sacred? I have never expected America’s beauty queens to be Mensa members, but at least I expected them to have real breasts. Does Carrie Prejean’s God really love implants and hate gays?
Sunday, May 17
Review times 2:
Movie – “Star Trek.” “Live long and prosper.” – See it!
Book – “Brimstone,” a western by Robert B. Parker. Virgil Cole and Everett Hitch are almost like Spensor and Hawk on horseback. The usual great Parker dialogue. Read it! (It will take you less than a day.)
(The picture above was taken along a Vermont highway.)
Nobody 767
Sunday, May10, 2009
Nobody # 767
Nobody Asked Me But:
What is the most generous thing I can do in this situation?
How about the above as a Golden Rule to apply at all our points of indecision? I found it in the book I am currently reading, “The Sum of Our Days; A Memoir,” by Isabel Allende. Allende is a Chilean-American novelist and the niece of Salvador Allende, the President of Chili who was deposed, murdered and replaced by the dictator Pinochet. (With help from the CIA.)
She lives in Marin County, and Book Passages (I included a picture of it in my post-trip Nobody) is sort of her home bookstore. She appears there frequently, and they have signed copies of all her books. I wanted to buy a book, (support your independent bookstore) and I chose “The Sum of Our Days” pretty much as a ”suppose to” rather than an “I want it.” I began reading it for the same reason. Boy was I wrong. It is a terrific book.<<<
NOT-SO-SECRET INGREDIANTS
Last week CNN had a piece on hunting for the secrets of a happy marriage. I could have saved them the trouble. Here is the Turner formula:
Love - Like – Respect - Support - Love.<<<
PERSPECTIVE
This joke is old and has made the rounds. But I think it is funny enough to repeat.
Two bulls were grazing atop a hill and the younger one said: "Look at all those cows in the valley, let's run down and take one of them." The old bull snapped back: "No, let's walk down and take them all."<<<
LOOKING BACK
(I wrote this 13 years ago this past week in Nobody # 7 – May 7, 1996)
Turning the coin over, my daughter just called. My new grandchild, due early in July, is going to be a girl. I'm thrilled. No one could be more wonderful than our grandson Ryan, (if I were a religious man, I would swear he was an angel in disguise), but Elizabeth and George frown on him wearing girls clothes, and there are so many precious dresses and outfits that Barbara and I are dying to buy. So don't rush Elena, but don't be late either. We are anxious to hold you. (Between May and July Elena somehow became lovely Emily.)<<<
And this a good place to say I miss you Mom and Mom Gold and to wish a Happy Mother’s Day to all.
UPS AND DOWNS
DOWN: The conservatives who are already attacking possible Obama appointments to the Supreme Court for being gay. Have they no shame? (Or no sense of timing either in a nation where liberal California is suddenly behind the times as traditionally conservative states are legalizing gay marriage.)
UP: Britain – For banning Michael Savage as an “agent of extremism and intolerance.” Actually, probably the best way to handle people like Savage and Rush and Ann Coulter is to laugh at them. They have earned it.
DOWN: Bipartisanship – Except in rare cases its importance is way overrated.
UP: The President – for his plan to crack down on overseas tax loopholes.
DOWN: The BBB – Better Business Bureau - for opposing the plan. They are in their usual profits over patriotism mode.
DOWN: Manny – Oh Manny, Manny such a disappointment.
UP: UouTube EDU – Want to see a Harvard professor lecture on your favorite subject? Or one from UCLA? Stanford? Yale? You can see these and many others free on my discovery of the week.
DOWN: Guns in Arizona – The legislature is about to pass a law protecting the right to have a gun in a parking lot. A gun owner was heard saying – “At last I am free to shoot any car that bothers me.”
DOWN: The banks - for getting a free pass through the crisis. Maybe it is time for the government to either own the banks or let them fail.
UP: Karen Tumulty of Time magazine for the best political one-liner of the week – In response to a CNN guy who wrote that “a comedian will determine the balance of power in the Senate,” she asks “when has that not been the case?”<<<
Anyone else see The Divine Sarah as the puppet master in Bristol Palin’s new abstinence campaign?<<<
Consider this! When conservatives serve in public office they do it with a “get out of jail” pass. If they are successful they take credit for their success. If unsuccessful, they can say, “see, we told you that government doesn’t work.”<<<
STARTING AN ARGUMENT
Defining modern as post WWII, I believe that the greatest catchers of modern times are:
1. Johnny Bench – Best ever combination of O and D.
2. Yogi Berra – In many ways, the heart of the Yankees.
3. Roy Campanella – The soul of the Dodgers.
4. Mike Piazza – The greatest O catcher of all.
Other suggestions?<<<
Why are banks being treated more gently by the government than are the auto companies? Are they in some way sacred cows? If so, it is a reverse thing, as it is they who are milking the American taxpayers.<<<
Because we are going to NY City later this year, I read with special interest a hamburger story in yesterday’s NY Times. It seems there is a Burger of the Month Club that has accepted the difficult mission of finding and rating the best burgers in the five boroughs.
It’s not an easy job. In fact, one member is on injured reserve due to high cholesterol. They do have their standards though. One of their principles is that “vegetables are to be eaten by rabbits and liberals.”
And in case you are wondering, their top ranking goes to Peter Lugar’s Steak House in Brooklyn where we were already planning to go. Barbara can have the burger, I’ll take steak.<<<
ON APPOINTING JUDGES
Republicans in power – “We’re got the power! We don’t have to listen to you.”
Republicans out of power – “You’re got the power but you better listen to us – or else.”
Or as the late Republican Senator Everett Dirksen, said: "Sometimes a man just has to rise above principle."<<<
Gift of the week – an alarm clock for Elizabeth Edwards, so that she can wake up and see that John was just as responsible as was the other woman.<<<
ANSWERS FROM MY KIND OF DOCTOR
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.<<<
Last week, CNN asked the following question – “Would you volunteer to repair a road if the government wouldn't?”
61 % said yes and 39% said no. Count me as a no, because that’s what I’m paying them to do.<<<
Remember – ask yourself:
What is the most generous thing I can do in this situation?
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Nobody # 766
Nobody Asked Me But:
"Make no little plans, they have no magic to stir men's blood." Chicago architect Daniel Burnham
I don’t know about you, but I am thrilled that our President seems to be following Burnham’s advice.<<<
Grading the first one hundred. Since this is only a progress report, let’s keep it simple. He has been greatly challenged, more so than any president since Truman. And he has exceeded my expectations in responding to these challenges.<<<
Congratulations to new grandpa Jimmy B!<<<
We skipped the LA Times Book festival last weekend. It was the first one we have missed in years and only the second one since they started over a decade ago. There were not that many authors in attendance that interested us this year, and I am already drowning in unread books. (What a nice way to drown!) I did regret missing James Elroy until Jim called and said that he and Vicki found the author’s famed eccentricity more boring than interesting.
I am sure that this year off will be a case of absence making the heart grow fonder, and by next April I will be hungry for the sun and sensibilities of wandering Bruinland, surrounded by books and the people who love them.<<<
And did you see where Texas has requested 37,000 doses of Tamiflu from the C.D.C.? I’m with blogger Mark Kleiman in wondering if this means “that Texas doesn’t plan to secede?”<<<
Hypocrisy times 2
The Senate Democrats, at the President’s urging, have decided to use, if necessary, a filibuster by-pass in order to pass his health care proposals. These are the same Democrats who howled in pain when the Republicans were in the majority and did the same thing. Now it’s the Republicans howling. A pox on both their hypocritical camps.
Everyone could stop howling if they would just eliminate the 60% rule. A democratic legislature should not require a supermajority to pass legislation.
(Pay attention California legislature with your 2/3 requirement on budget measures!)<<<
Should the Bush Justice Department lawyers who wrote the pro- torture memos be prosecuted and, if found guilty, punished? Not by themselves. They are merely middlemen. Get the people at the top or, better still, forget getting anybody. Investigate, publish the truth, do a national mea culpa and an honest “never again.”<<<
(If we must punish somebody, wash Cheney’s mouth out with soap and take away his shotgun.)
AND HERE IS GENERAL PETRAEUS ON TORTURE: "Our values and the laws governing warfare teach us to respect human dignity, maintain our integrity, and do what is right. Adherence to our values distinguishes us from our enemy. This fight depends on securing the population, which must understand that we - not our enemies - occupy the moral high ground."<<<
Whether it is “24,” or “State of Play,” which I saw Monday, for- profit military groups are becoming the hot villains of the moment. Personally, I think the writers are on to something.
As for the film, I recommend it. I may not like the real Russell Crowe but the actor is a great talent.<<<
I even write one once in a while (during my dumber moments) but 90% of sports letters to the editor and message board posts are excellent arguments for the value of silence.<<<
For many long years, I fought a “great and courageous” battle against the school gum police. It is true that I based my case on freedom rather then academic gain, and it is the latter that new research seems to support. But, no matter, I was pretty much alone on the front lines.
So, do I feel justified? Damned right!<<<
Have there ever been better one-two picks in the NBA draft than 1960 when Oscar Robertson was the first player chosen and Jerry West the second?<<<
I know I am showing my age, but I always liked Buddy Clark. I liked him on “Your Hit Parade,” I liked his singles such as “Linda,” and liked his teaming with Doris Day for songs such as, “I Love Somebody.”
I knew he died young. I vaguely remember that it was in a plane crash, but I did not remember the interesting details. Here they are:
It was on October 2, 1949. He and four buddies were in a small plane flying back to LA after attending the Stanford vs. Michigan football game in Palo Alto. The plane ran out of gas and crashed on Beverly Boulevard. Clark, 38, was the only one who was killed.
And did you know – that the Linda of the song I mentioned above was 6-year-old Linda Eastman, the daughter of a friend, who grew up to marry….. Paul McCartney?<<<
I could be a local news anchor. The only skill I would need is the ability to read the morning paper and regurgitate it on camera.<<<
UP: All the LA Times reporters who joined me in protesting their paper’s front page adds. If newspapers are truly going down, they should do it with honor.<<<
UP: Arlen Specter – It is never too late to find one’s way.
DOWN: Starbucks/Pepsi for stopping production of Starbucks canned ice coffee. I am sipping one now, and I still have a 4-pack in the garage. But when that’s gone, no more. Sad.
UP/DOWN: President Obama – UP on narrowing the definition of state secrets; DOWN because he didn’t make me believe it will be narrow enough.
UP/DOWN: Vice President Joe – Refreshingly honest, which is not always a good trait in one who talks too much.
UP: Building up one’s immunity to SFH – (Swine Flu Hysteria). It’s simple. Just stick with these three rules. 1. Follow the numbers and you will see how slow it is developing. 2. Forget the local news on television. Scaring you means higher ratings. 3. Don’t listen to VP Joe.
DOWN: David Brooks, for his Friday column in which he postulates that genius is made not born. I’m a born kind of guy.
UP: Unnatural food.
WAY DOWN: Mitch McConnell/hypocrite (one and the same). This phony calls on Obama to apply no litmus tests to his upcoming SC appointment. AS IF Bush didn’t?
WAY UP: Justice Souter – You did a fine job for someone who would have rather stayed with the simple life in New Hampshire.<<<
Did you see the recent Pew Center poll, which reported that the majority of Republicans polled wanted the GOP to move further to the right? Talk about a death wish.
Or As Maine’s republican Senator, Olympia Snowe said – “It is true that being a Republican moderate sometimes feels like being a cast member of ‘Survivor.’”
And I love the new Right mantra – “Purity over victory.”
Did you read about the school district in Austin, Texas, that decided against naming a stadium Tumbleweed Hill in fear of inviting potential marijuana references? Fark.com writes that officials are "still mulling over what to do with the hash marks."<<<
