Nobody 826

Sunday, July 25, 2010

Nobody # 826

Nobody Asked Me But:

If there is any human tragedy, there is only one, and it occurs when we forget who we are and remain silent when a stranger takes up residence inside our skin. James Lee Burke, from his new book The Glass Rainbow. (Haven’t I always told you this guy writes poetry disguised as prose.)

IT’S A SMALL WORLD

For several months, I have been scanning all our pre-digital photos. I have done this at random, simply pulling envelopes of developed snapshots from the shoeboxes where they are stored. What envelopes did chance bring to my hand Last Monday, our anniversary eve? Wedding shots.

Later that afternoon, but not at random, Barb fixed

us tuna sandwiches, just like the ones we bought and ate at a picnic bench in Bermuda twenty-one years ago today. She also fixed us gimlets, which, I am sorry to say, we didn’t have at Elbow Beach. (picture)<<<

In the game of life, I remain far ahead of aging, my toughest opponent. But I have to give the ancient one credit. He moved into position to score a point on me last week. My optician is recommending to the Department of Motor Vehicles that I not be cleared for night driving. Dr. Nestor, a really nice guy, was kind of apologetic about it, but I told him an eye doctor guy’s got to do what an eye doctor guy’s got to do.

Yes, this will put a small/medium crimp in my lifestyle, but I have a responsibility to others. In those times when I can’t drive safely, I shouldn’t drive.<<<

Last month I read an excellent novel, “The Ghosts of Belfast,” by Stuart Neville. The book won the 2010 LA Times award for the best mystery/thriller. The story is about a former Irish Republican hit man who is tortured by his past and seeks redemption by killing those who gave the orders. (I am giving nothing away that cannot be found in the summery on the front flap.) An interesting addition to the book is a five-question reading guide. I found this last question especially fascinating.

Q5) Gerry Fegan seeks atonement for past killings by spilling yet more blood. The novel takes no moral stance on the idea of violence as a means of correcting injustice, and Fegan himself is conflicted on this. Should the book have condemned Fegan’s actions more clearly? (No.) While the story is entirely fictional, is the reader in a way complicit in the bloodshed by empathizing with the killer? (Yes.) Does that reflect on the reader’s, or indeed the author’s, own moral standards? (Yes.) Can violence ever be justified given the right social or moral context? Yes, under certain circumstances violence can be justified. And these circumstances are clear and present in the story.

Applying the question to current terrorism: Suppose one of the planners of 9/11 suddenly felt guilty for his action and started killing the al Queda leaders who ordered the jihad. Would you feel him morally wrong? I wouldn’t. If given the opportunity I would pay for his bullets or explosives.<<<

Foxcensorship: . A few years ago, the Center for Constitutional Rights tried to buy an ad criticizing torture, but Fox News refused to air it. Bill O'Reilly insisted the ad was "anti-American."

Which leads us to:

Foxlogic 1a: Criticizing torture is anti-American. Therefore - Torture is American.<<<

And while on the subject of torture, I have read two novels in the last month in which the hero was waterboarded. They described a horrible and terrifying act that puts to shame all concepts of humanity and gives lie to every definition of the word civilized.<<<

Headline: Approval of Obama drops to 28 percent in new Arizona poll.

Jimline: My approval of Arizona drops to 15. That’s not 15%. There are 15 people in the state of whom I approve – and my daughter and grandchildren make up 1/3 of those.<<<

Headline: Bill Clinton ahead of Obama, says poll.

Jimline: Another poll gone bad. Barack Obama is a better president than Bill Clinton was and a better man as well. It’s not even close. And I like Bill Clinton.<<<

While on the subject of Clinton, if the people remain blind on Obama and it looks like a sure thing that he will lose in 2012, wouldn’t it be a great move for him to step aside and support Hillary for the nomination? Her performance as Sec State has shown me a lot.

Whether Obama serves 2 terms, or only 1, history will say "Well done Mr. President."<<<

My wife and I are not really the cocktail party types, but we attended a fun one in Westlake’s North Ranch Wednesday. It was in honorof UCLA basketball Coach Ben Howland who talked about the player’s summer workouts and the team’s prospects for next year. The house was incredible and the finger food delicious, especially the baby lamb chops and the crab cakes. I ate my share of everything and, yes, my fingers were fatter the next day.

“Facts are stupid things.” Ronald Reagan, 1988 (He meant stubborn.)

FIVE GREAT LAKER TRADES

October 1975: Elmore Smith, Dave Meyers and others to the Milwaukee Bucks for Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.

1996: Vlade Divac to the Charlotte Hornets for a 17-year old rookie named Kobe Bryant.

July 1968: Darrall Imhoff and two other easily forgotten players for Wilt Chamberlain.

January 2008: Kwame Brown, Marc Gasol and Jarvis Crittenton to Memphis for Pau Gasol.

1976: Gail Goodrich to the New Orleans (now Utah) Jazz for 3 first round draft picks. They used the third one (1979) to draft Magic Johnson.<<<

Raven wide receiver Anquan Boldin is a wise man. When asked by The Sporting News with whom he would like to trade places with for a day, he answered: “Anyone who’s retired.”

Question for Mr. Answer Man: Can Joe Torre get the Dodgers into the play-offs this year?

Answer Man: “Only if he buys them tickets.”

Every time I walk past a Coldstone and turn to go in, I am taking the famous step in the right direction.

Love story – UCLA football recruit, Josh Shirley, gets caught stealing a purse and is kicked off the team………and is then given a free ride

by the University of Washington. Love story? Love of winning story.

Welcome back Mad bunch.

Nobody 825

Sunday, July 18, 2010

Nobody # 825

Nobody Asked Me But:

The picture above was taken twenty-one years ago this coming Tuesday.

Anniversary

Well 20 now has past us

And 21 is near

And if next year is good as last

Then we have naught to fear

But even if some troubles come

As sure they will some day

We will meet them and defeat them

As we send them on their way

It is said that love wins all

And I believe it to be true

So we can never losers be

Forever I love you

Excellent dreams last week: In one I made the game-winning basket. In the other I was a good guy trying to escape from the bad guys in the White House (must have been during a Republican administration) by hiding out in the Library of Congress.<<<

Plot spoiler – If you have not watched “Murder On The Orient Express,” and plan to, do not read the following section.

In the PBS production of “Murder On The Orient Express,” Hercle Poirot has a moral dilemma. In matters of right and wrong, he tends to be an absolutist. The church (Catholic) and the state make the rules and establish just ways of enforcing them. Lay people, both civil and religious, are not allowed to make their own situational rules, or supersede authority in enforcing justice.

But what now? Twelve good people, all interested parties, have declared themselves a jury, sentenced and executed (murdered) an evil man – a kidnapper and child-killer. Should Poirot follow the law that he loves so much and turn them in? Or should he, at least this once, choose vigilante justice and let them go?

Last night I thought he should turn them in. By morning’s light I am not so sure. The bad guy certainly deserved to die, and I could support passionate justice. But passion and plotting don’t really go together, nor is time a fertile field for passion’s growth. So I will stick with my original and instinctual feeling. They should not escape arrest and punishment. But I would support minimum sentences.

Add on: This was an interesting Poirot. He had the hard edge of a man at war with himself. His world of black and white had suddenly developed a gray haze.<<<

I was looking for excitement last Sunday, and I had to choose between the World Cup final and counting the number of carpet fibers in our family room. I picked the World Cup. Wrong choice.<<<

Airline security to Mr. Big Business: “Sir, what is that bulge on your ass.”

Mr. Big Business: “That’s just the Republican Party.”

Airline security: “You will have to remove it.”

Mr. Big Business: “I can’t. It’s permanently attached.”<<<

It’s just another crazy theory, but it’s all mine: Yes, he is sinking in the polls, but perhaps President Obama values first term accomplishments more than reelection. Later, in his words:

“I know it doesn’t poll well. But it’s the right thing to do for America.”<<<

I am usually side with labor over management, but if the LeBron, Wade, Bosh deal wasn't collusion, what was it?<<<

My right eye failed me during my attempt to get my driver’s license renewed Thursday. However, my surprise was not in the failure but in the fact that they tested eyes individually. So I told the lady I had MD and now have to get a note from my eye doctor clearing me to drive. I don't think I will have a problem getting the clearance or my license this time, although I may have to take a behind the wheel test. But what about the future? Will they require a renewal every year? What if I reach a point where they will not give me a license? These are scary thoughts but they are about tomorrow, which is something over which I have no control. And I have a today to live well.

Irony alert: after I flunked the eye test, I went to see “The Girl Who Played With Fire.” I sat about 2/3 of the way back and, because my glasses were dirty, as usual, I watched the film and read every sub-title easily – WITHOUT WEARING MY GLASSES!<<<

The film, by the way, was an excellent adaptation of the book. See it when you get the chance.<<<

From the LA Times Chris Erskine – on camping with his son: “Now, a few things race through my head as I hear the bear outside our tent door. First, that I haven't even cast my all-star ballot yet. Under the new online system, you can vote up to 25 times, much like in a Chicago mayoral election.”

My sports line of the week comes from Tom Hoffarth of the LA Daily News: Who's gonna tell Clippers owner Donald T. Sterling that Vinny Del Negro doesn't count as a minority hiring?<<<

Poll: Glenn Beck's ratings are sinking.

Reaction: Life is good!<<<

Action: The billboard pictured here is by courtesy of the North Iowa Tea Party.

Reaction: When are these people going to realize that despite calling themselves the National socialist party, socialism was the Nazis mortal enemy?

Reaction # 2: This just in from the North Iowa tea Party – “We are not radical, we’re just stupid.”<<<

If buildings can be designated historical landmarks and preserved forever, then why not Hugh Hefner? Not the man, silly, his ownership of Playboy. Hefner is in danger of losing the magazine, which was one of the great social-change agents of the 20^th Century, and that’s not right. Therefore it is about time for a bailout.<<<

Action: Jesse Jackson claims that Cleveland owner Dan Gilbert views LaBron as a “run-away slave.”

Reaction: Jesse Jackson has been an Asshole Number One for so long that he may be eligible to keep the trophy forever.

Reaction # 2: But even worse from Jesse’s point of view is that years ago he became irrelevant.<<<

Meg Whitman has a television add where she attacks Jerry Brown for his opposition to the death penalty. I can’t say that this diminishes my respect for Whitman, because I have none. But it does make me question a body politic for which such an ad has appeal. Even if one believes in capital punishment, it seems to me that it is not a belief that you hold high as if it were a badge of honor.

I know that “Inception,” opened Friday to good reviews, but it sounds a lot like “The Matrix” to me. If so, I’ll pass.<<<

MORE GED QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

Q. In a democratic society, how important are elections? 
A. Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an election. Q. What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty
 A. He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.<<<

And then there was this hard-ass champion of Arizona’s immigration law who zipped past Elizabeth on the freeway at 8o mph in a 55-mph zone with a bumper sticker that read, “What part of illegal don’t you understand?”

Nobody 824

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Nobody # 824

Nobody Asked Me But:

I hate Southern California’s June gloom. And when it spills over into July, as it is doing this year, I really hate it. I don’t want to feel chilly in the summer. I want warm. I don’t mind if it cools to sleeping temperature at night, but by the start of my day, usually about 5:45, I want it to be 70 degrees and rising.

Or to say it another way, here is a reprise of a poem I wrote a few years ago. Obviously, I updated my age for this editi

on.

HOT IMMORTALITY

I will turn seventy-six next month:

Don’t like it much,

But I love the heat.

My wife thinks I’m crazy,

Turns on the fan,

Just doesn’t understand

That triple digit heat

Reflecting off the street

Triggers some synapse relapse,

Some hot blast from the past,

And I’m a boy again in Tucson,

For an instant

Immortal.

Barry Eisler, the creator of the John Rain series, has a terrific new novel that is not quite a stand-alone. Inside Out is the story of a military intelligence guy, Ben Treven, assigned to hunt down a rogue CIA agent who ha

s stolen torture tapes that may cont

ain an even more damaging secret. Eisler is the anti Vince Flynn - and a much better writer. To him, torture is both immoral, and ineffective. And the multi

-initialed intelligence establishments who sponsor it are completely amoral as are the politicians who blink once for yes while protecting their deniability. Their religion is in equal parts “ends justify means,” “we know what’s best” and “we man the walls.”

I don’t read Flynn anymore. What used to be a guilty pleasure has become no pleasure at all. For my America, I want heroes like Treven, not Mitch Rapp.<<<

MORE ON BOOKS

Friday I finished listening to “The Girl

Who Kicked The Hornet’s Nest,” the third and last book in Stieg Larsson Millennium Trilogy. I am sorry you died early, Mr.

Larsson, but thanks for giving me great stories and even greater characters. I will always treasure Lisbeth Salander and Mikael Blomkvist, along with Berger, Armonski and Bublanski, and the others. But this is not goodbye, because I will see you in the movies. (As soon as next week.)

Was “Hornet’s Nest” better than the first two books? Worse? Except to say that it was at least as good, I will make no comparisons. What I will do is give all three my highest recommendation.

Add on – “Hornet’s Nest:” I was completely transformed, transfixed and impressed by the trial scene that serves as the book’s climax. To the extent that this was a realistic picture of a closed courtroom proceeding in Sweden, and I have no reason to doubt its authenticity, I am amazed at the civility of the process. While examining a witness, the attorney can engage others in an almost conversation-like d

ialogue to strengthen or refute the testimony. It seemed to me that the intent of the process was to seek justice rather than adhere to rigid procedural rules. And shouldn’t that be the aim of all courts.<<<

CONVERSATION WITH MY DOCTOR

My doctor: “You need to lose 40 pounds and keep it off.” Start eating right.

Me: “That's not going to happen.

My doctor: “Then you vastly increase your chance of dying prematurity.”

Me: “It's still not going to happen.”

My doctor: “Aren't you afraid of dying?

Me: “Absolutely - but I am more afraid of not living.”

Note: I don’t gorge and I don’t stuff. But I do take great pleasure in satisfying my taste buds without constantly having to face up to the eternal question. Is this good/bad for me?<<<

Nevada’s Republican Senate candidate, and Tea Party favorite, Sharron Angle has an interesting take on incest rape. She thinks it is like the proverbial lemon. When asked whether an abortion should be permitted for a girl raped by her father, Angle responded, "Two wrongs don't make a right. Much good can come from a horrific situation like that. Lemons can be made into lemonade.”<<<

From an LA Times piece on special effects becoming “old hat.” “The only special effect that Nick and Nora Charles (The Thin Man) had to worry about was not spilling the gin.”<<<

"It took thousands of men to build Hoover Dam and modern Nevada. But it only took two men to help tear down its economy." Republican National Committee

Comment: I know about George Bush, but wh

o is the other guy?<<<

ON LABRON’S CIRCUS

When asked if LaBron’s move to Miami will cause a power shift in the NBA, Orlando Magic general manager Otis Smith responded, “Is Kobe retiring?”

Charles Barkley: “Now LaBron is never going to be THE GUY.”<<<

All-time classic quotes: This, From Dan Quayle, I included in Nobody # 269: "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure.”<<<

This past week the LA Times released the results of its reader poll on the fifteen greatest LA Dodgers. Sandy Koufax, Don Drysdale and Vin Scully finished one, two, three. Not to take anything away from Sandy, who shares top billing on my all-time baseball list, but I think that Vinny belongs, at the top.

And I love this line about Sandy – “Many people will tell you that the greatest pitcher in baseball history was Sandy Koufax on four days' rest. Second greatest? Sandy Koufax on three days' rest.”<<<

Emmys: It is totally unjustified that Justified did not get an Emmy nomination.<<<

Q: Someone asked if I remembered that 20 years ago last Wednesday Andy Hawkins of the New York Yankees gave up no hits against the Chicago White Sox — and lost, 4-0, when the Yankees committed three eighth-inning errors.

A: Hell, I don’t even remember Andy Hawkins.<<<

MORE GED QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS

Q. What is artificial insemination? 
A. When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow. 

Q. How can you delay milk turning sour? 
A. Keep it in the cow - (Actually, this one is pretty bright.)
 Q. What is the fibula? 
A. A small lie.

<<<

I was reading an interview with Mark Emmert, the new president of the NCAA and found we have two things in common. One of our first jobs was picking vegetables in Washington’s Puyallup Valley. I am sure that he outlasted me, however, as I was fired on day two, because I played more than picked. But day one did give me a lifelong respect for those who do stooped labor. Our second commonality - we both love tin roof sundaes – vanilla ice cream with chocolate sauce and Spanish peanuts.

He also has something in common with Barbara. In even the best steakhouse, he puts ketchup on his steak.<<<

Not that it’s important, but: I so completely associate Frank, Dean and Sammy with the Rat Pack, that I sometimes forget that the group was founded by Bogart and Bacall.<<<

AND FINALLY, THIS WEEK’S GREAT MOVIE FUNNY LINE

”What do they think I am? Dumb or something? Why, I make more money than - than - than Calvin Coolidge! Put together!” - Jean Hagen, “Singin’ in the Rain” (1952)

Happy First Anniversary Greg and Marie.

Nobody 823

Sunday, July 4, 2010
Nobody # 823

Nobody Asked Me But:

Thomas Wolfe was wrong. You can go home again and will if you want great pizza. For some strange reason we had not been to Casa Bianca for over a year, but we returned yesterday, and their pizza remains the best. I have to be honest. Barbara no longer agrees, so you will have to listen to me and not “she.” If you have tried In-N-Out, you know that their burgers have a unique taste. Casa Bianca pizzas are the same. Their taste is different from all others. Better too.

Don’t believe me? Come by tomorrow night when we are having the left-over’s.<<<

I don’t care what the Activist Five on the Supreme Court says, there was no reason for the Founding fathers to include the phrase “A well-regulated militia being necessary” as part of the Second Amendment if they didn’t mean to connect gun ownership to being a member of some level of government militia.

Meanwhile in Chicago, the origin point for the gun control lawsuit decided earlier this week, gunshots killed ten people on Monday after 54, including a baby girl, were shot over the weekend. But, as the NRA says, if there were no guns those people would have been killed anyway, probably by sharply pointed pencils.<<<

You are fortunate indeed, because I have cleverly summarized the conservative-Republican judicial philosophy in one sentence: “I hate, I despise, I abhor judicial activism – except the kind that pulls the country to the right.”<<<

I am sure you notice that I write less about politics than I used to. This is because I find little redeeming virtue to offset the corruption and dishonesty. Almost everybody is on the take, whether it is for personal profit or reelection, and almost everybody lies.

Examples are Sunday morning political shows where truth is the most rare of commodities and spinning is the game’s name - to the point where to watch and listen is to invite motion-sickness.

As you know, I am a little disappointed with President Obama, although a part of that may be the product of my expectations, but I think he is a beacon of truth when compared to other politicians of both parties.<<<

ACTION/REACTION

Action: Is King Tut's Penis Missing?
Reaction: Or is this just a simple case of somebody having to whack it off before he went blind.

Action: "This was a war (Afghanistan) of Obama's choosing. This is not something the United States has actively prosecuted or wanted to engage in." RNC Chairman Michael Steele at a Connecticut fundraiser.
Reaction: WOW! Obama sent the military into Afghanistan in 2001? That’s some kind of power for a guy who wasn’t even a senator yet – and Palin said he was just a community organizer.

Action: Pope calls Belgian sex abuse raids ‘deplorable.’
Reaction: Belgium calls Pope’s handling of sex abuse deplorable.
Reaction # 2: I thought European nations long ago kicked the church out of secular issues such as crime.

Action: Many are saying that LeBron is “the most significant free agent in the history of sports?”
Reaction: Hardly. That honor belongs to Major League Baseball’s Curt Flood who, in 1969/70, fought the first, and therefore greatest, battle against the reserve clause. Although he lost by a 5-3 vote in the Supreme Court, he paved the way for free agency for professional athletes.

Action: Dangerous waves expected this holiday weekend.
Reaction: Oops! I thought it said wives. Time for a trip to the optometrist.

ALL-STAR SCREW-UP

During last Sunday’s ESPN broadcast of their baseball game of the week – a brutal Dodger loss to the Yankees – Joe Morgan opined that merit should be the determining factor in selecting players for the All-star game. I’m with Joe. Here’s an example: Atlanta’s rookie out fielder, Jason Heyward, is hitting .251, with 11 homeruns and 45 runs batted in. He is currently second in fan votes for the starting NL outfield. Detroit’s rookie outfielder, Brennan Boesch, who is batting .338, with 12 home runs and 43 runs batted in, is not even among the top 15 vote getters for a starting spot in the AL outfield.

MORE BASEBALL

The Bruin baseball team had a great season even if they lost an 11-inning battle to South Carolina in the College World Series final. My advice for next season: Recruit a couple of power hitters and stop bunting the damn ball so much!<<<

QUOTE OF THE WEEK

"To know him (Coach John Wooden) was to know this: He was better than advertised. Better even than people thought he was. How many people can you say that about?" Paul Westphal – this all-time USC great was one of the few recruits that Coach didn’t land.

MOVIE REVIEW

“Knight and Day.” Tom Cruise was very good. And, although I am not usually a big fan, Cameron Diaz was too. I had enough fun watching to make it worth the admission price.<<< (jt)

AND HERE ARE TWO MORE FOR MY COLLECTION OF CAUSTIC ONE-LINE REVIEWS

"My Last Five Girlfriends is a stab at an anti- romantic comedy, but with too dull a blade." (From the LA Times)

“The Last Airbender is a joyless, soulless, muddled mess." (From the LA Daily News)

QUICKIES

What’s in a name? Thad Turnipseed is Alabama’s director of athletic facilities.<<<

Did you know that 97% of the NCAA budget comes from basketball. And yet football rules the day. Go figure?<<<

I didn’t think this up, but I like it: If James Worthy is "Big Game James,” shouldn’t Derek Fisher be "Big Swish Fish?"

THESE QUESTIONS FROM A RECENT GED EXAM ARE ANSWERED BY HIGH SCHOOL JUNIORS.

Q. What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
 A. If you are buying a house they will insist that you are well endowed.

Q. Give the meaning of the term Caesarean section? 
A. The caesarean section is a district in Rome.




It is difficult to fault Time for having Titanic at the top of its greatest disaster film list but shouldn’t any disaster list include that great box office disaster Heaven’s Gate? “Gate,” made in 1980 cost $44M and returned $3.5 M each in domestic and foreign gross. The adjusted for inflation loss is $104.5M.

BEST FUNNY MOVIE ONE-LINERS – PART II

”You can’t fool me! There ain’t no sanity clause!” Chico Marx, A Night at the Opera (1935) (I used this one A LOT in class. You can’t say I wasn’t corny.)

On this, her 234th birthday, may my country stand tall and rededicate itself to liberty and justice for all.

And while on the subject of independence, my favorite independent bookstores are: Book Passage in Corte Madera, Queen Anne Books in Seattle, Powells in Portland, Warwick’s in La Jolla and Malaprop’s in Asheville, North Carolina.

(The picture at the beginning was taken outside the office at Willows in Woodenville, WA. The one at the end is from vancouver, BC