Nobody 710

Friday, August 24, 2007
Nobody # 710

Nobody Asked Me But:

Tomorrow morning we fly to Hawaii, and Sunday I will, for the first time, celebrate my birthday there. As for that birthday, this poem by Edgar Guest says it all. He even has my age right:

I used to think that growing old was reckoned just in years,
But who can name the very date when weariness appears?
I find no stated time when men, obedient to a law,
Must settle in an easy chair and from the world withdraw.
Old age is rather curious, or so it seems to me.
I know old men at 40 and young men at seventy-three.

Janis Ian has a line in her song “At Seventeen” that is a PDG measure of one’s attitude towards life:

“Their small-town eyes will gape at you
in dull surprise when payment due
exceeds accounts received.”

In my life, accounts received is way ahead.<<<

I am finally getting religion. - No, not that kind. I mean “exercise for health” religion. My problem is where and how. The Y takes too much time. I’m too young to walk the malls. I don’t like to walk the neighborhood, although it is a good one, because there is always the danger of being bitten by a stray dog or a middle-school kid. So I have decided to dance my way to continued good health.

I turn on some medium fast music and dance around the kitchen for a half-hour. (I throw in a little shadowboxing with my intricate steps.) This and a bit of housework will make for a healthy Jim.<<<

If you recall, last week I quoted Manohla Dargis in her review of the Borne trilogy:

“The drama of ‘Identity’ was existential (Who am I?), and the drama of ‘Supremacy’ was moral (What did I do?). I would say that the drama of ‘Ultimatum’ is redemptive: How can I escape what I am?”<<<

Now I will take my shot at answering these three questions:

Who am I?

I am a person who loves wisely and well.

What did I do?

I have done more living than existing.

How can I escape what I am?

I like who I am, and I don’t want to escape. In fact, whenever our doorbell rings I use the peephole to see who’s there. If it is death, I’m not answering.<<<

JIM’S WISDOM (a name, not a claim) – Hawaiian memories edition

UP: St. Augustine for writing, “The World is a book, and those who do not travel read only a page.”

UP: My first trip to Hawaii. When I stepped off the plane and knew I was home.

DOWN: Never having a chance to live there.

UP: My first trip there with Barb. At the time (1987) there were four AAA Five Diamond hotels on the islands and we had short stays in 3 of them.

UP: My first meal at Roy’s, my favorite restaurant, where we will dine Sunday.

UP: Kauai, my co-favorite among the islands. It is low-key and quiet – except when you hit north/south traffic in Kaapa.

UP: The Koloa "tunnel." When we turn down this road Saturday, we will be almost to our hotel in Poipu. (picture)

UP: My first view of Hanalei Bay from the library bar of the Princeville library bar. Is that Mitzi Gaynor shampooing down there?

WAY, WAY UP: My wife, for teaching me that Oahu is something more than a stopover on the way to Kauai or Maui.

UP: Being there twice with Barb’s parents.

DOWN: A regret not a memory - never having had a chance (so far) to share it with my children and grandchildren.

UP: My first taste of Dave’s ice cream. Dave’s is located in, of all places, Sears Ala Moana.

UP: Teva sandals. Barb bought me my first pair on Kauai. Actually it was my first ever sport sandals. I had taken some stupid vow (religious maybe, I don’t know) never to wear sandals. Now just try to take them away.

DOWN: Credit card fraud at the car rental desk at the Hilton Hawaiian Village.

UP: Our $99 round trip airfare to the Big Island in the winter of 1993.

UP: Parasailing.

OP: Playing smash ball in the hotel pools.

UP: My Kahala hat, my all-time favorite, which, alas, has seen better days.

DOWN: Things gone – like the Rigger where we always used to eat hamburgers, and Liberty House, Hawaii’s great department store.

UP: My 200th Starbuck’s – close to the University of Hawaii where we will watch the Bruin women’s volleyball team on Labor Day.


Here’s the whole Guest poem:

Old Age.

I used to think that growing old was reckoned just in years,
But who can name the very date when weariness appears?
I find no stated time when man, obedient to a law,
Must settle in an easy chair and from the world withdraw.
Old age is rather curious, or so it seems to me,
I know old men at forty and young men at seventy-three.

Some men keep all their friendships warm, and welcome friendships new,
They have no time to sit and mourn the things they use to do.
This changing world they greet with joy and never bow to fate;
On ever fresh adventure they set out with hearts elate.
From chilling fear and bitter dread they keep their spirits free,
While some men seem old at forty they stay young at seventy-three.


So much to do, so much to learn, so much in which to share!
With twinkling eyes and mind alert some brave both time and care.
And this I've learned from other men, that only they are old,
Who think with something that has passed the tale of life is told.
For ages not alone of time, or we should never see,
Men old and bent at forty and men young at seventy-three.

Nobody extra – Michael Vick

Tuesday, August 21, 2007
Nobody extra – Michael Vick

Nobody Asked Me But:

JIM’S WISDOM (a name, not a claim)

DOWN: Gerald Rose, the founder of New Order, a new Atlanta-based human-rights group, who said he planned to go ahead with a "major rally" for Vick at the Georgia Dome on Monday.

"People are hurt, people are angry," he said. "Being a black man, we're all trying to get to a point where Vick was at. We feel let down."

Being a black man means wanting to stage dog fights and hang dogs? I don't think so. Too many black people fight the wrong battle for the wrong hero. To America's shame, there are countless battles to be fought against racial injustice, countless heroes who stand tall in the fight. Vick isn't one of them.

If it is racist to think that Michael Vick belongs in prison rather than on a football field, then I’m a racist. But it isn’t, and I’m not!

Nobody 709

Sunday, August 19, 2007
Nobody # 709

Nobody Asked Me But:

“The problem with the French is that they don't have a word for entrepreneur.” George Bush

I missed my computer terribly. It was only in the repair shop for a day and a half, but I cannot tell you how many times I turned to reach for it only to find my desk empty. But like everything else the experience had its yin and yang. I felt freed as well as trapped. However, by Tuesday afternoon, I was ready to be trapped again.

Disappointed in David:

Brooks that is. The excellent NY Times columnist went through a little birthday angst while sitting beside a career truck driver at a diner counter in Virginia the other evening. DB was so overcome with the man’s high self-esteem that he decided on the spot that, “jobs performed in front of a keyboard don’t supply a code of dignity, which explains the spiritual anxiety that plagues the service economy.”

Sorry David. This time, no sale. There is as much dignity in the labors of the mind as those of the hand. And besides, for all his self-assurance, the truck driver has gone through five wives.<<<

Other voices. In response to my comment on the hottest movie couples last week Jim suggested a pairing that might seem strange at first, but upon second thought makes perfect sense. Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers made dancing seem like sexual poetry.

Hugh agreed with me on John Wayne and Maureen O’Hara while Elizabeth wrote:

"I couldn't agree more about screen chemistry. Now I'm trying to think of some more modern examples...hmmm, Mr. Big and Carrie Bradshaw from Sex in the City. Richard Gere, George Clooney and Robert Redford with the right women in various films. Heck, I even think Goldie Hahn and Chevy Chase were a better match than DiCaprio and Winslet."<<<

Elegant movie reviews:

Vincent Canby, in 1972 on “The Godfather: “Al Pacino, is the college-educated son who takes over the family business and becomes, in the process, an actor worthy to have Brando as his father.”<<<

Manohla Dargis, of the NY Times, (How I wish she was still writing for the LA Times) on the Bourne trilogy:

“The drama of ‘Identity’ was existential (Who am I?), and the drama of ‘Supremacy’ was moral (What did I do?). I would say that the drama of ‘Ultimatum’ is redemptive: How can I escape what I am?”<<<

Thoreau wrote that the young have little to learn from the old. I think he meant they have little they want to learn from the old.

Opinions?<<<

Here’s LA Times columnist Bill Plaschke on patience and the Dodger youth movement:

“There's a reason they don't call it growing joys.”<<<

JIM’S WISDOM (a name, not a claim)

UP: Dick Cheney. That’s right, I said Dick Cheney. Only this is the 1994 edition Cheney who said that we were totally right not to invade Iraq during the Gulf War because we would end up in a quagmire.

He also added: “How many Americans is Saddam worth?” And answered – “Not many.”

I guess in Cheney’s case, older means dumber.

UP: Gilbert Arenas. Our ex-student, a virtual unknown, and Jason Gardner, a McDonald’s All-American, were best friends when they played for Arizona. Gilbert became a very rich success story in the NBA while Jason, one of the best clutch players I ever saw, was too small for the league and ended up in Europe.

Despite going different ways, the friendship lasted and now Gil is helping pay for Gardner’s wedding next week in Indianapolis.

UP: Waldo McBurney, a 104-year-old beekeeper from Kansas who was recently declared America's oldest worker.

When I reach that age, I want to be honored as America’s happiest old retiree.

UP: Ed Updegraff, for shooting a 74 last week at Forty Niner Country Club in Tucson. What’s so special about that? For one thing, it is 11 strokes under his age. For another, Updegraff, a urologist, was the top amateur golfer in Tucson and the rest of Arizona when I was a young man. Always an amateur, he qualified and played in six Master’s and finished in a tie with Gene Littler for 4th behind winner Lee Trevino in the 1969 Tucson Open.

UP: Tiger, for winning his 13th Major (the PGA) last week at 31. In an era when so many sports favorites have feet of clay, he stands tall.

DOWN: The candidate?? (see cartoon)

UP: Two meat sandwiches, which was all Rancher David George had to eat when he was recently treed for a week by crocodiles in Queensland, Australia.

DOWN: Alberto R. (Killer) Gonzales, our Atty. Gen. is about to invoke his Patriot Act power (has any law ever been more misnamed or misleading?) to shorten the time given for death row inmates to appeal.

Kill them quick, Alberto. If any were wrongly convicted, you can always say “oops.”

DOWN: Hypocrisy. When it comes to nuclear proliferation, Washington’s only real policy is to reward its friends and punish its enemies.

UP: Republican moderates – just me giving a boost to an endangered species.

DOWN: The male migration – from head to chest. It seems the newest return to macho is transplanting hair from the head to the chest. I wouldn’t do it even if I could.

SIDEWAYS: Karl Rove. Up because he is gone. Down because he was ever here.

DOWN: George Will, for thinking that a pertinent question when considering judges for a higher appointment is “whether they sided with the law.”

When it comes to appellate judges, with too few exceptions, there is no LAW except that found in their philosophy.

WAY FAR DOWN: Rep. Bill Sali (R-Idaho) (pictured) warned last week that the presence of Rep. Keith Ellison, (D-Minnesota) the first Muslim in Congress, was creating “problems for the longevity of this country.”

Is Sali more to be pitied then censored? Nah, censor him.<<<

I loved Robert K. Tanenbaum’s books – when Michael Gruber, his cousin, was secretly writing them. The sixteen mystery novels featuring NYC District Attorney Butch Karp, his dangerous wife Marlene Clampi, their children and friends were close to the top of my list.

Then, feeling a bit dishonest and a bit exploited, Gruber quit and started writing under his own name. So Tannenbaum has written the last three books on his own, and they have become progressively worse. I just finished his latest, “Malice.”

Here is my review. It is short, if not sweet, and says it all:

“Malice” is a tall tale terribly told.

What is really weird about the whole thing is that I read a Gruber novel, “Valley Of Bones,” and didn’t like it at all. Perhaps they need each other.<<<

I recently had my Starbuck’s profile done by the all-knowing Oracle of Starbucks - http://www.buttafly.com/starbucks/index.php. Here’s the result:

Behold the Oracle's wisdom:

Personality type: Clueless

You don't go to Starbucks much; when you do you just tag along with other people since you have nothing better to do. You would like to order a Tazo Chai Crème but don't know how to pronounce it. Most people who drink triple grande extra hot mocha are strippers.

Also drinks: Wine coolers
Can also be found at: The mall

I do go a lot, I don’t tag along, only strip on occasion and dislike Chiai crème and wine coolers. But they got the clueless right. (And I added # 332 last week.)

As for other stars, here are some inside tips from the baristas on their drink of choice:

“Nicole Kidman would get a grande cup of just nonfat milk foam. Yeah...just foam. She would eat it with a spoon. Hugh Jackman gets grande soy cappuccinos. Toby [sic] Maguire gets a doppio and he kinda assembles the drink himself at the bar with some stuff that he carries around in his pocket. He's actually pretty creepy.”<<<

TIME Magazine – “Even the most stable brain operates just a millimeter from madness.”

I guess that explains why the metric system drives me nuts.<<<

Nobody 708

Sunday, August 12, 2007
Nobody # 708

Nobody Asked Me But:

Did you know: that more ice cream is sold on Sunday than any other day of the week? This probably explains the almost-out-the-door line when we stopped at Fosselman’s last Sunday for our malts.<<<

James Lee Burke is incredible. In his new book, “The Tin Roof Blowdown,” the greatest of modern mystery writers looks at crimes committed in and on New Orleans during and after Katrina. He finds villains and rogues from the top down and from the bottom up - from the indifferent George Bush to the corruption of renegades within the NOPD, from inept government at almost every level, to gangbangers who looted and killed without discrimination. But not all were bad. In the following paragraph, Burke describes a group of heroes.

"The United States Coast Guard flew nonstop, coming in low with the sun at their backs, taking sniper fire, swinging from cables, the downdraft of their choppers cutting a trough through the water. They took the children, the elderly and the sick first and tried to come back for the others later. They chopped holes in roofs and strapped hoists on terrified people who had never flown in an airplane. They held infants against their breasts and fat women who weighed 300 pounds, and carried them above the water with a grace we associate with angels. They rescued more than thirty-three thousand souls, and no matter what else happens in our history, no group will ever exceed the level of courage and devotion they demonstrated following Katrina’s landfall.

Burke also has his characters point out that while LBJ Johnson had his Vietnam and Bush his Iraq where both failed miserably, it was a different story when natural disaster struck.

Clete Purcell to Dave Robicheaux: “Did you see that big plane that flew over?”

Dave: “No I didn’t.”

Clete: “It was Air Force One. After three days the shrubster did a fly-over. Gee, I feel better now.”

Later in the book, Helen Soileau, Dave’s boss, compares Bush-Katrina with LBJ-Betsy.

Sileau:

“When Hurricane Betsy hit New Orleans in ’65, Johnson flew into town and went to a shelter full of people who had been evacuated from Algiers. It was dark inside and people were scared and didn’t know what was going to happen to them. He shined a flashlight in his face and said, ‘My name is Lyndon Baines Johnson. I’m your goddamn president and I’m here to tell you my office and the people of the United States are behind you.’”<<<

We received a letter from Kaiser last week. They are again having a sale on cosmetic surgery. I think our health provider is on dangerous ethical ground here. Sometimes there is a fine line between cosmetic and necessary. If cosmetic is pure profit, will they not be tempted to urge their physicians, in borderline cases, to opt for it over care covered by insurance?

A provider should not also be a seller.<<<

756, and the record belongs to Bonds. It is too bad that the Commissioner and many sports writers around the country couldn’t have dropped the negative for a day and followed the example of the LA Times baseball columnist Bill Shaikin who wrote:

"This was not the day for those issues, as Aaron understood and Selig did not. This was the day for remembering what my mother told me, and your mother told you: If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.”

JIM’S WISDOM (a name, not a claim)

UP: School days, school days, dear old golden rule days. (see picture – The girl in black is a friend, Lily, in red, is too young. As for the rest, Arianna is on her way to day 1, Emily to day 1 in middle school and the man of the bunch – Ryan – is a top-dog 8th grader.)

UP: Emily, again, for getting her 6th-grade locker open on her second try.

DOWN: The naysayers who discount global warning just because NASA has learned that 1934, not 1998, was the hottest year of the century. Any reasonable person knows that the heat spike in ’34 was due to my birth.

DOWN: Congressional Democrats for once again blowing their chance. With much public fanfare they should have delayed the legislative summer vacation until either more was accomplished or their Republican colleagues were seen as the obstructionists they are.

DOWN: Congressional Democrats again, at least those gutless ones who joined Bush last week in his newest attempt to weaken the Bill of Rights. Have they all forgotten these words of Ben Franklin?

"The man who trades freedom for security does not deserve nor will he ever receive either."

DOWN: Paternalism and hypocrisy. In her fascinating column in last week’s Newsweek, Ann Quindlan writes about a “curious little mini-documentary” that showed up recently on YouTube. It was shot in front of an abortion clinic where a man asked demonstrators how long the prison sentence should be for women who have an abortion. Apparently the main answers he received were a dropped jaw and glazed eyes. The few who found their voices came up with such responses as: “It's murder, but she'll get her punishment from God.” “It's murder, but it depends on her state of mind.” “It's murder, but the penalty should be ... counseling?”

The anti-abortion crowd wants to criminalize the act but not the actor, not wanting to face either a prison system filled with women who make the choice or to answer for the tremendous national upheaval this would cause.

So some would punish the doctor, as if he or she went door-to-door selling abortions. That doesn’t compute. It is neither fair nor just.

At some point, the pro-life people are going to have to face the choice that their movement demands. Either they must punish the criminal or eliminate the crime.

UP: Tiger, yes, 62 ½ is all right.

UP: Gail Collins of the NY Times for this quote of the week:

“Most of the candidates from both parties have pets. In fact, so many of them have golden retrievers or labradors you can’t help but wonder if they rent them.”

DOWN: Democracy for the Middle East. The President has announced a new-old policy of sending arms and aid to prop up “friendly” authoritarian governments in the region. This policy is as stupid now as it has always been:

(1) We cannot hope to win any support from the people by reinforcing their masters.

(2) The region’s two main autocratic recipients, Suadi Arabia and Egypt, continue to take our money while giving aid and comfort to our terrorist enemies.

UP: Tucson, for setting a new record when their high reached only 80 degrees last Monday. The previous lowest high temperature for the date was 86, recorded in 1918. Of course the 2 inches of monsoon rain caused some problems. Maybe they could send an inch or so to us.

UP: Larry Hart, for being in the Tucson sports Hall of Fame. In my first teaching job in Ajo, Larry was the head football and baseball coach and the AD. I was his baseball assistant. Later he moved to Tucson where he won a state football championship at Flowing Wells.

I had coffee with Larry a couple of years ago while visiting Elizabeth. He is still a super person.

Down: Kiara Ashanti, a freelance writer (blogger really) who at the National Association of Black Journalists Presidential Forum Thursday asked Hillary why she was pushing for “socialized medicine.”

UP: Hillary for answering that she wasn’t and then asking Ashanti whether he thought Medicare was socialized medicine.

DOWN: Ashanti, for saying that “To a degree it is.” (When are people going to stop trying to resurrect the socialism scare that, in America, has never been more than a myth used to scare children and centrist voters?)

UP: Hillary, for her defense of Medicare, while, at the same time, pointing out that it is inadequate and that the U.S. as the only “advanced country” to have “so many of its citizens without health care.”

DOWN: Emily Dickenson, for this line I recently discovered from her poem, “The Day Came Slow Until Five O’Clock.”

“The orchard sparkled like a Jew.”

You, too, Emily?

LOWER THAN DOWN: The Weekly Standard and The New York Post, for claiming that the war’s critics hate the troops.<<<

Here’s novelist Mary Gordan (Final Payments, The Company of Women, Men and Angels, ) with interesting takes on Hillary and on life.

NY Times: Are you a Hillary Clinton supporter?

Gordon: I think no woman is electable in America, and particularly not Hillary, because she is married to this guy whom everyone is libidinally attached to. I think there is unconscious sexual jealousy of her among women.

NY Times: There’s one word in your new book that you use excessively — abashed. What do you feel so ashamed about?

Gordon: Not doing enough. I don’t help the poor. I don’t create political change. I could be tidier.<<<

I finished the second and last season of Rome this past week. It was incredibly good; although the last two episodes had so much nudity and sex that I had to avert my eyes.

Anyway, as I was saying, Rome most certainly deserves an honored place in television’s hall of fame. And did anyone notice that in the last few episodes James Purefoy, who played Anthony, looked like Brando’s Anthony?

And I like this line spoken by Anthony to his great love, Atia: (Polly Walker)

“I would go to Hades for you, Britain even.”<<<

A tornado grows in Brooklyn – last week.

Did you know that a spot in New York City is likely to be struck by an F-2 tornado just once every 20,000 to 50,000 years.<<<

I read this: There is a “strong probability” that the outbreak of foot-and-mouth disease in Britain was caused by viruses that escaped somehow from a pair of veterinary laboratories.

And I see:

B-movie creatures making a midnight get-away so that they can carry out their nefarious plan to destroy humanity.<<<

In last Sunday’s Parade there was a short piece on the hottest on-screen chemistry of all time. They chose the following five:

Bogart and Bergman – “Casablanca”
Taylor and Burton – “Cleopatra”
Turner and Hurt – “Body Heat”
Lancaster and Kerr – “From Here To Eternity”
DiCaprio and Winslet – “Titanic”

DiCaprio and Winslet? There is NO way that these two belong with the others. They barely created a spark. I would substitute John Wayne and Maureen O’Hara in “The Quiet Man.” The screen caught fire in every scene they shared.

Any other nominations?

Nobody 707

Sunday, August 5, 2007
Nobody 707

Nobody Asked Me But:

Headline in Friday’s LA Times: They found clarity in the chaos
For rescuers and the rescued, actions overtook emotion in the wake of Minneapolis bridge collapse.

Is it not always so? Our power to think makes us special in the world, but it also brings us special trouble. There is an ever-present awareness buried deep within our brain, a knowledge that we are finite. It makes us anxious. It confuses us.

But any time we are forced by crisis or led by accidental wisdom to live for the moment, confusion becomes clarity and anxiety gives way to courage.

I wrote this poem many years ago. It says essentially the same thing as above, but in a different way:

ACCIDENTS

I stumbled on a laugh today,
Fell over a warm moment,
Tripped on a good feeling
And accidentally rediscovered
That I like myself.

Funny,
I’ve been trying to get here all week,
Working at myself,
Talking to myself, saying,
“Go away fear, goodbye safety,
I’m OK,”
And never really believing it.

And then,

I stumbled on a laugh today,
Fell over a warm moment,
Tripped on a good feeling
And found me.

Make me King for a day and I would ban forever all speechwriters for politicians. Let them write their own material as most did in pre-modern America. Perhaps then we will get to know the man or woman and not the creation.<<<

“Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix” – one more time: One thing that I loved about the book and movie was the way Rawling takes a shot at “be-on-this-page-on-November-18 education and the emphasis on testing that goes with it.

The delightfully dangerous Dolores Umbridge (above left) tries to destroy creativity at Hogwarts and substitute rote repetition of the “word” as dictated by the Ministry of Magic. Sound familiar?<<<

There is nothing that cuts more into the glamour of ancient Rome than to find out that Marcus Tullius Cicero had Irritable Bowel Syndrome.<<<

Jesus said unto him: If thou wilt be perfect, go and sell what thou hast and give to the rich and thou shalt have treasures in heaven. (Mathew 19:22* King George Version)<<<

My bad for insulting your intelligence last week. You may not know the Ray Bolger of “Where’s Charlie,” but of course you all know him as the Scarecrow in “The Wizard of Oz.”<<<

This week’s booby prize goes to MSNBC for spending 23 minutes, and 2 seconds discussing Hillary’s. (Yes, someone timed and compared networks.)

Joke time, courtesy of Bob Thille:

A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre. After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings and made it safely to his van. However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied, "Monsieur, that is the reason stole the paintings. I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh." (and you thought I didn't have De Gaulle to send this on to someone else.) Well, I figure I have nothing Toulouse.<<<

My favorite Bergman film is “Fanny And Alexander,” 1982. What’s yours?<<<

JIM’S WISDOM (Just a name, not a claim)

UP: Jim, (my friend, not me) for his new novel. It’s excellent, much better than many that I read. I just hope that some publisher sees the light this time around.

UP: Hugh, for “I did get my first birdie of the summer! Sank a VERY long putt!”

DOWN: Rudy Gullani, whose proposal to deal with controversial social issues by tilting federalism more towards states rights, ignores the shoddy and immoral performance of many states when they had decision- making power on these issues. Think slavery and segregation, invading the bedroom and non-separation of church and state to name a few.

UP: Jerry Tarkanian, (fist in the air) who, when coaching, was an expert on breaking NCAA rules, for this too funny remark, "In major college basketball, nine out of 10 teams break the rules. The other one is in last place."

Tark is a cynic and wrong but not totally so. Too many coaches break the rules and many more bend them a bit. (Not Ben Howland though)

DOWN: George and David. Our President has declared General David Petraeus the reigning expert on all things Iraqi. Yes, the same General Petraeus who cited soccer games as an example of “the astonishing signs of normalcy” in Baghdad last month.

Actually, I suppose Petraeus is correct in that daily double-figure innocent deaths seem to be the norm in America’s Iraq.

UP: Chelsea Clinton, for being an all-round class act.

DOWN: Vegetarians – At least in God’s view as revealed in Chapter 4 of Genesis where Cain offers God the fruit of the soil as an offering, while Abel brings the choicest meat. God scorns Cain's vegetarian platter, so Cain jealously slays his brother.

Perhaps Mel Brooks was right and there were more commandments until Moses dropped and broke one of the stone tablets. If so, surely one of them read – “Thou shalt eat steak, for I the Lord thy God am a carnivorous God.”

Down: Sunni Arabs, for condemning our presence in Iraq while at the same time not wanting us to leave for fear of a Shi’ite power alliance between Iraq and Iran.

UP: Robert Ludlum and V.C. Andrews, who have continued writing novels years after they died. They give new meaning to the term “ghost writer.”

UP: Jack Paar, who, even though he is also no longer alive, left a classic comment for researchers Cindy M. Meston and David M. Buss. The two University of Texas professors have cataloged 237 reasons to have sex. Here’s Paar with reason 238.

“It’s better than sitting on an egg for 3 months.”

Down: Experts and voters, for including the Christ Redeemer Statue in Brazil as one of the new Seven Wonders of the World. I would feel equally strong if they had chosen another nominee, the Statue of Liberty.

Both pale beside such unchosen wonders as Stonehenge and the Acropolis.

Saturday night downs

DOWN: Conservative House Democrats who voted with Republicans to approve the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act, another Bush proposal to walk all over the Bill of Rights.

DOWN: Baseball Commissioner Bug Selig who, although in attendance at last night’s game in San Diego, looked like the home run by Barry Bonds, his 755th which tied Hank Aaron’s all-time record, left a bad taste in his mouth. With all the admitted cheaters in the Hall of Fame, who does Selig think he is to judge Bonds more harshly then the others – especially when he has not yet been proven guilty of anything?

JIM’S WISDOM (Just a name, not a claim) SPECIAL EDITION – a fair and balanced evaluation of the Bush presidency:

Up: George Bush’s first day in office. His Inaugural Address was a thing of beauty – one of the best ever

Down: – His second day, when his first act was a cruel one – ending federal assistance to the International Planned Parenthood Federation.

Up: No child left behind.

Down: Not funding No child left behind.

Up: His immigration proposals, which were in line with these inspiring words from his speech – “America is not blood or birth or soils but ideals that make us move beyond our background and that every immigrant, by embracing these ideals makes our country more not less American.”

Down: Wasted influence – He has spent his influence on the tragic folly called Iraq.

SIDEWAYS – The Medicare prescription plan – it is better than nothing, but not much better.

WAY DOWN: His imperial view of the Presidency.

Now for more important things such as this exchange between your writer and LA Times sportswriter Mike Digiovanna on what constitutes a “monster” season in for a hitter.

From: Jim Turner [mailto:jimtca@earthlink.net] Sent: Sun 7/29/2007 10:08 PM To: mike.digiovanna@latimes.com

Subject: Hyperbole Hyperbole – “An extravagant statement or figure of speech not intended to be taken literally, as ‘to wait an eternity.’"

Mike, I most certainly hope that your statement in today's Times was not meant to be taken seriously. Fred McGriff's .291 average, 37 home runs and 101 runs batted in 1993 hardly constitute a "monster" season - very good yes, monster, far from it.

On Jul 30, 2007, at 9:01 AM, DiGiovanna, Mike wrote:
Sorry Jim ... back before steroids, 37 HR and 101 RBIs WAS a monster season ...

Sorry back Mike,

Even before steroids it took 40+ home runs and a batting average much better than .291 to make a monster season.

Jim<<<

Appendix: Stop, if you have read enough. If not, here are my choices in the Brackatology contest to choose the best boy’s name. The bold on is the my choice in contest and each round:

BABY BOY’S NAMES

ROUND ONE
Carter – who would be mean enough to name their son Addison?
Addison

Stephen – Xavier Turner? No thanks.
Xavier

Eli
James – I sort of like Eli but James is for special people.

Cooper – I don’t much like either one, but at least Cooper is different. Hi, coop!
Francis

Russell
Truman - I had an evil cousin named Russell so I will go with Truman, but weird.

Carson - These first round choices are strange, so I’ll take Carson by default.
Felix

Dustin
Benjamin – A much better contest. I like them both but I choose Benjamin, and not just because that is the name of one of my grandsons.

Campbell
Issac - because Campbell is a girl’s name.

Kyle –A first name beats a last name almost every time.
Anderson

Blake
Max – still weird but Max is at least kind of cute.

Nathan, – Nate because it would be cheating to shorten Benson to Ben.
Benson

Holden
Sullivan – Another Hobson’s choice.

Samuel
Atticus – Now we are getting somewhere. Both are great, but I love “To Kill A Mockingbird.”

Daniel – Frasier is pretentious.
Frasier

Harrison – Sawyer Turner? I don’t think so.
Sawyer

Everett – I hate both of these but I hate Oscar more.
Oscar

ROUND II

Carter
Stephen – Steve, Stevie vs. Car, Cartie – no contest

James – I still don’t like Cooper.
Cooper

Truman – I wouldn’t be caught dead naming my son either of these, but having to choose, I take the president over the city.
Carson

Benjamin – I could be happy with either, but Benjamin has such nice tones.
Issac

Kyle – Kyle Jeffery Turner. I like it.
Max

Nathan, – Nat Turner. There’s a rebellious name if I ever heard one.
Sullivan

Atticus
Daniel – As much as I like Atticus, my son wouldn’t. So, Danny boy it is.

Harrison – No son of mine is going to be named Everett
Everett

Elite EIGHT

Stephen
James – Close, but James at the buzzer

Truman
Benjamin – I Not close. They need a mercy rule for this game.

Kyle – Kyle Jeffery Turner. I like it. I STILL LIKE IT.
Nathan

Daniel – One of my favorites
Harrison

FINAL FOUR

James – Hey, this name has worked for me good enough to make the Finals.
Benjamin

Kyle –
Daniel – I really like this name a lot.

NATIONAL CHAMPIONSHIP

James – Hey, this name has worked for me good enough to make the Finals.

Vs.

Daniel – I really like this name a lot.

And the winner is………….. Daniel. I told you I really liked it a lot.