Nobody 670

Sunday, October 29, 2006
Nobody # 670

Nobody Asked Me But:

The words are mine, the quotes from the Bible and the idea from Slate’s bible-blogging column:

Stephen Spielberg, how could you? I believed you in “Raiders” when you said that the Ark of the Covenant melts the face of the evil-doers. But it clearly states in First Samuel, Chapter 5, verses 6 and 9, that God’s punishment after the Philistines slaughtered the Israelites and stole the Ark was to inflict hemorrhoids on them.

6. “But the hand of the LORD was heavy upon them of Ashdod, and he destroyed them, and smote them with emerods, even Ashdod and the coasts thereof.”

9. And it was so, that, after they had carried it about, the hand of the LORD was against the city with a very great destruction: and he smote the men of the city, both small and great, and they had emerods in their secret parts.

Both you and the Philistines should have known that if you mess with the Ark, God is going to punish you in the end.<<<

Add-on: at least the Philistines showed some imagination in their effort to bribe God into shrinking their punishment. In Chapter 6, verse 4 it says that part of their offering was “five golden emerods.”<<<

Well, the first World Series for my Tiger's, since winning it all in 1984, turned out to be a debacle. I think, more than anything, nerves, youth and inexperience caught up with them. Their pitching, while not to their ability level was decent, (except when they were throwing to first or third base) but their hitting and fielding were terrible. However, if they had to lose, it was nice that a Simi High School graduate beat them.<<<

BUT It all starts Thursday. All, of course is college basketball. The Bruins play their first exhibition. Let the excitement begin. I will kick it all off with this summary of the Bruin outlook for 06-07. It is taken from The Blue Ribbon College Basketball Guide, which is by far the best of the pre-season magazines – and most expensive at $22.95. No, I didn’t buy it but I found their Bruin report on line.

As with any team, there are two forecasts, that of the optimistic and the pessimist. “If Collison (our sophomore point guard) even approaches Farmar's level, if Dragovic is the real deal, if Keefe and Westbrook are ready to contribute as UCLA freshmen of the last two seasons have, there's really no doubting the Bruins as one of the top teams in the country.” “

And then there's the flip side, with Collison continuing last season's trend of trying to make too much happen, and the freshmen not being ready mentally for the rigors of the Pac-10 and Dragovic is a complete flop and the injuries of 2005-06 repeat and & and you know what, UCLA is still one of the top teams in country.”<<<

Staying with sports, it’s fight time! Ladies and gentlemen, in this corner, weighing in at 300 pounds, we have traditional Republicans. And in the opposite corner, their opponents, the feather-weight tag team composed of evangelical and neocon Republicans.

Round one: Representing the traditionals, former House Republican majority leader Dick Amey, eschewing a feeling out jab, lands a vicious right, but not too far right, hook - accusing Congressional Republicans of “blatant pandering to James Dobson” and “his gang of thugs,” whom Mr. Armey called “real nasty bullies.”

The Christians are rocked back on their heels and Amey throws two right jabs: “Dr. Dobson and his allies had led the party to abandon budget-cutting,” and “Christian conservatives could cost Republicans seats around the country, especially in Ohio.” He follows with a vicious right cross: “The Republicans are talking about things like gay marriage and so forth, and the Democrats are talking about the things people care about, like how do I pay my bills?”

The Christian coalition responds with their own rather feeble version of a far right, “if you don’t play it our way, we won’t vote in November.”

Round 2: Grover Norquist, the president of Americans for Tax Reform takes over for Amey and the neos replace the Religious Right.

Norquist lands three quick rights: “The Iraq war was the biggest drag on Republican candidates even before their big wins in 2004.” “Some people think we did it just to prove we could do it, like people who go running with weights on their ankles.” “The principal sin of the neoconservatives is overbearing arrogance.”

The neos respond with a jab, which misses the traditionals and lands on weak-kneed fellow neo Don Rumsfeld – “he fouled up our war by holding down troop levels.” Our time is up but this fight is far from over.<<<

Bulletin – this just in: heavyweight Russ Limbaugh has been disqualified from the match for throwing a really low blow at Michael J. Fox.<<<

NY Times headline: As G.O.P. Mopes, Bush Adds the Duties of Optimist in Chief. I can’t feel sorry for the guy. He co-wrote the play, and then watched it slip from drama to tragedy. It is only fair that he has to assume the toughest role.<<<

As you know, a commission “backed” by President Bush is exploring U.S. options in Iraq and intends to propose significant changes in the administration's strategy by early next year. According to the LA Times the commission has come up with four options – actually three in that the group will say that option number one is not viable. Last week the Times polled its readers on these “4.” Which of these options for U.S. involvement in Iraq would you favor? Option # 1 - Stay the present course - 4.1%, Option # 2 - Quick withdrawal of troops – 32.7%, Option # 3 - Redeploy troops outside Iraq for possible strikes against terrorist groups – 26.2%, Option # 4 - Try to entice insurgents into politics and work with Syria and Iran on a plan to end fighting – 37%.

Option 1 is a complete failure and 4 has turned into a dreamer’s holiday. I would love to completely withdraw our military presence from the Islamic world, but Israel and our other vital interests make that impossible for now. So my vote goes to making the best of the bad, number 3.<<<

Headline: Vegetables may help slow mental decline in elderly. Thought: Thank goodness ice cream has been reclassified as a vegetable and beets, cauliflower and brussel sprouts have been removed from the list. Seriously though, I am a great believer in listening to my inner voice, which now craves many veggies that I spurned as a child. Is it the same for you?<<<

Did you know that, in trying to be fair-minded, I have a Republican Honor Role? From time to time I will tell you about some great members. Here’s the first. Jake Javits, (right) long-time Senator from New York, was a moderate Republican in the best sense of the word. He was loyal to his party and to his conscience. When the two conflicted, he chose conscience. Can we ask for more from a politician? He also makes it here because he promoted rather than exploited the page system in the Senate. In 1966 he broke the race barrier by appointing the first black page and, 5 years later, after facing down tough Senate opposition broke the gender barrier by appointing the first female page. So all honor to Jake Javits, a political and personal All-American.<<<

Many economists are calling for a federal gas tax increase to prices to $3 per gallon and beyond. This would force Americans to use less gas and speed up the search for alternate fuels. I don’t dispute that this may be for America’s greater good, but my wallet has a few choice words in opposition.<<<

Question of the week: Which of the following categories of speech is never protected by the First Amendment? a. Indecent speech on the Internet
b. Four-letter words
c. Obscenity
d. Nudity.<<<

Only here: “Nobody” has just discovered this secret FBI photo (left) of a Mafia meeting in a wooded section of Maryland.

Nobody 669

Sunday, October 22, 2006
Nobody # 669

Nobody Asked Me But:

“I don't have to show you any stinking badges!!"

I wish I was back teaching at Hale, but only so I could have the chance to use the actually quote, rather than the popular misquote, from “The Treasure of Sierra Madre.” You’ve got it. Even at my old school, security is king and freedom a mere memory. The teachers and staff now have to wear identification badges around their necks at all times, except while sleeping. At least the sleeping part gives some teachers a break every period. Can you imagine the internal battle I would fight – paycheck or rebellion?<<<

Lead to a currant on-line story in Sports Illustrated: • FLASHBACK: Lolich leads Cards to 1968 title. Ah, guys, left-hander Micky Lolich pitched for the Tigers and led them to their World Series victory over the Cards. Editor, anyone?

And by-the-way, my Tigers are going to repeat history this year – even after last night.<<<

LA Times headline: Bush Signs Tough Rules on Detainees. If the Prez, who obviously slept during those parts of his civics classes that dealt with American values, principles and civil liberties, wants to continue his tough love on mere detainees, imagine what he has in store for suspects.<<<

And I was thrilled that House speaker J. Dennis Hastert jumped to his President’s defense by slapping the hypocrisy label on all those Democrats who voted no on the bill.

“The Democrats want to pamper terrorists who plan to destroy innocent lives,” Hastert said, “ but they get all indignant with us for pampering page-molesters.”<<<

Crazy Howard called me last week. No, not Howard Stern, Howard Dean. He wants the Democrats to get behind the best candidate now so that we can concentrate on electing him/her in two years, and he needs my input. Being “the decider,” I gave him the name of our next president – Barrack Obama.

Obama is perfect. He is a liberal with brains and balance – probably more balance that I – but that is not a bad thing for someone who heads the government of a nation most comfortable in the middle. He is also a politician who seems less so than most. That is also very good thing.

He assails Bush and his Republican followers for the “misguided” war in Iraq and for promoting an “ownership society” based on a “winner-take-all” economy. But he also calls Democrats to task for being “the party of reaction” and absolute opposition, i.e. - a bad war means that all military actions are wrong or the administration’s misuse of the free market means that it should not be used at all.

He is multi-racial and multi-ethnic which, as it would with a woman candidate, provokes the phrase – it’s about time! AND HE LISTENS!

In other words, he is the anti-Bush as you can see from my debate with a Bush supporter.

Me: Obama is a man of action.

BS: Bush is a man of action.

Me: Obama is a thinker.

BS: Bush is a man of action.

Me: Obama really cares about the people.

BS: Bush is a man of action.<<<

Even the conservative NY Times columnist David Brooks (left) listens to me:

“It may not be personally convenient for him, but the times will never again so completely require the gifts that he possesses. Whether you’re liberal or conservative, you should hope Barack Obama runs for president.”

SAD BUT TRUE

A recent survey shows that more people think that they get a straighter story from Jon Stewart's satirical news reports than from traditional outlets. The sad part is that they are probably correct.<<<

SAD BUT TRUE - II and III

When Indiana Pacer forward Stephen Jackson was arrested for discharging his gun into the air, the police found that two teammates with him also had handguns.

Perhaps my anti-gun campaign is too broad. An SC ruling that the Second Amendment does not apply to professional athletes would be an important first step in solving our gun proliferation problem.

And

As Scott Ostler opines in the San Francisco Chronicle: “What you should never say in the Indiana Pacers' locker room is: ‘Just shoot me.’"<<<

Staying with sports for a one more round, here’s a man who had had an early take on baseball’s steroid problem:

In the early 1970s, when asked about players suspected of taking greenies, Philadelphia Phillies manager Danny Ozark said, "What are they using, those illegal amphibians?"<<<

Below is a delightful look at a great diplomat who, when taking on the dogs of Congress, was far from diplomatic. It is taken from Robert Beisner’s new biography, “Dean Acheson, A Life in the Cold War.”

“That senior officials must remain blandly obliging while their veracity or honor is being systematically challenged was never part of the Acheson code. This explains the scene, unimaginable today, when Acheson, at a hearing before the Senate Appropriations Committee, admonished Senator Kenneth Wherry of Nebraska not to shake his dirty finger in his face. When Wherry persisted, Acheson rose and launched a roundhouse swing at the senatorial gadfly, which was stopped at the last moment because Adrian Fisher, the legal adviser of the State Department, wrapped his arms around Acheson and pulled him down into his seat.”

The following is from an interview with Warren Beatty in a recent edition of the NY Times Magazine. I have added comments to the last two.

Q - You yourself, as a left-leaning activist, have been mentioned as a possible political candidate for decades.

A – “Rather than run for public office, I would prefer to eat my own knee.”

Q – (On a project that he is considering:) You don’t want to talk about it?

A - “I’ve never talked about movies that I am planning or thinking about, because I find if I talk about them I don’t do them.” (I obviously lack Mr. Beatty’s writing talent, but we do have this in common. Looking back upon a life of starts, stops and flops in my early attempts at writing, I remember that invariably when I shared an exciting idea for a project with someone else, the excitement vanished – as did the project.)

Q - Do you have any thoughts on aging?

A – “I’m very much against it.” (Me too!)<<<

Eating their own: I love the way the Mark Foley mess has split the religious right in two. There now is the moral religious right who condemn Foley and all who took part in the cover-up. Then there is the immoral moral religious right who says overlook the whole thing and just win, baby win.<<<

Steve Lyons, fired by Fox for on-air comments the network deemed inappropriate, will keep his job as a part-time television commentator for the Dodgers.

The team, in a statement issued Monday, said Lyons would undergo diversity training.

Diversity training? Give me a break!

“What is going to be your college major son?”

“Dad, I’m going to be a diversity trainer.”<<<

Last week, a WSJ's poll revealed nothing but bad news for the GOP. Less than three weeks before the election, approval of Congress has fallen to 16. That’s 16 people.<<<

Nobody 668

Sunday, October 15, 2006
Nobody # 668

Nobody Asked Me But:

Lists! Oh, how I love lists!

Having just returned from spending two days at Disneyland with Elizabeth and family (except George, who stayed home to baby-sit) here are my top four delights in the Magic Kingdom:

Elizabeth
Ryan
Emily
Arianna


















The real magic was in our being together, but doing Disneyland added to our fun.

Here are my favorite DL attractions:

Soaring over California – I could ride on this all day. From my first visit to Disneyland, the 360-degree Cyclorama was my favorite. “Soaring” feels exactly like Cyclorama only 100 times better. You are gliding, from over the Golden Gate to a carrier in San Diego to being in the middle of fireworks over DL itself with many other sights along the way. At times you leave your stomach behind but that just adds to the wonder of it all.

Number two would be the roller coaster, California Screaming which, like “Soaring,’ is part of California Adventure, but, alas, because of construction work it was shut down until this weekend.

So this will be number 2a – still in California Adventure, the water ride - Grizzly River Run. As you ride the white water and plummet over the “falls” you are going to end up wet, wetter or soaked. Do it on a warm day.

For number three and five we jump over to DL itself for the new and faster roller coaster in the dark, Space Mountain and for Splash Mountain where the last dip leaves a hollow spot in your stomach and a smiling scream on your lips.

My number four, back in California Adventure, is the Tower of Terror. That this ride has its ups and downs is both pun and reality. Once again, as in all good thrill rides, the stomach assumes an identity separate from its body.

Elizabeth, as has been the case since she was a young girl, (which seems like yesterday) was enchanted with The Pirates Of The Caribbean. I found The Haunted Castle, now themed after The Nightmare Before Christmas much improved. And, again following a tradition that dates to “yesterday when I was young,” father and grandfather hunted down the fugitives on Tom Sawyer’s Island and, being tardy in capture, owed them all ice cream.

It was all very wonderful.<<<

Also great was having Greg and Ben stay over the last two Saturday nights as they were going and coming from the Bay Area.<<<

On Friday, the NY Times posed the following question:

With Mark Warner dropping out of the running, who has the best shot at the White House in 2008?

Here are a few of the reader responses with my thoughts added:

Clinton/Edwards - Won’t happen. There is no way Edwards will take second place again on the ticket.

Edwards/Obama – This would be an excellent ticket, but first you have to
take the nomination away from Hillary.

Gore/Obama. Gore was named on more responses than anyone. My
question is whether his charisma shots will keep their potency on the
campaign trail.

James Carville, who steered Clinton to victory on the, “It’s the economy, stupid,” platform thinks that the button issue in 08 will be “It’s energy independence, stupid.” If he is right, Al may take the nomination away from Hillary and the election from McCain.

Obama/? Not in 08. He still needs more seasoning and national recognation. He would be an excellent running mate though for Gore or Edwards but not for Hillary. Although I would love this combination, I don’t see it as a winner. Sadly to say, the Republicans would drool over running against a “bitch”/black ticket.

Here are my top combinations – in no particular order, because, as yet, I haven’t made up my mind:

Clinton/Clark
Edwards/Obama
Gore/Obama
Gore/Fiengold

Even the New York Times?

Linda Greenhouse their much-honored Supreme Court reporter for 28 years, recently received a reprimand for a speech she made at Yale in which she had the nerve to express a political opinion. This provoked me into writing the following letter:

Dear Mr. Calame,

I am concerned that your great newspaper, like so many lesser ones, is falling into the trap of avoiding truth in the name of impartiality. No, I do not want you to become "Murdoch- like," with every story an attempt to proselyte, but neither do I want the bland leading the bland.

As to the specific case of Ms. Greenhouse, choosing a career in journalism was not a surrender of her right to free public speech any more than I surrendered mine when I became a teacher. A fair-minder newspaper, as well as her readers, will continue to judge her performance by the reality of her work rather than by possibility of partiality.

Has the Times forgotten the dangers of prior restraint?<<<

Headline - Bush Condemns North Korea, but Says Diplomacy Is Focus.

Reaction - Why is diplomacy the answer to a real danger when war was the choice against a paper tiger?<<<

But let us return again to Senator Hillary again. She recently told the New York Post that:

“I recommended in ‘03 — and this went all the way up to Cheney, who shot it down — I recommended, while we were in charge, to create an oil trust, where you would basically say to every Iraqi, “You know what, you have a stake in this. And you can get some payment out of the oil revenue.”

“I thought it would be something that could demonstrate clearly that we were not on the side of the oil companies, we were not on the side of the ruling elites — we were on the side of the Iraqi people.”

Maybe it is time that we give this woman some respect.<<<

Speaking of respect – a woman protesting teacher pension plans said: "I really resent these public workers. Why should I pay for their retirement?"

That’s an easy one to answer: because you don’t pay them decent salaries.<<<

Let me close with this story from the “Woodman:”

Woody Allen often recounted how his life was saved by his habit of carrying a bullet in his left breast pocket. A "berserk evangelist" once threw a Bible out of a second-story window, and it struck him in the chest, he said. "That Bible would have gone through my heart if it wasn't for that bullet."<<<

Nobody 667

Sunday, October 8, 2006
Nobody # 667

Nobody Asked Me But:

I am sure that sometimes you think I am too disdainful of USC, but remember – this was the university that would not accept Steven Spielberg into their film school.<<<

“If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,” - Rudyard Kipling

Let us hope that Americans are not fools nor fooled by these two, the KING and PRINCE of hypocrisy: “Top GOP leaders -- including House Speaker Dennis Hastert, of Illinois, and Majority Leader John Boehner, of Ohio -- have accused the Democrats of knowing about Foley's correspondences with teen pages, and waiting to release them until it was politically advantageous.”

And while on the subject of the Prince, Steve Lopez in his LA Times column writes that in light of the nature of the scandal, “I don't even want to know how to pronounce Boehner's name.”<<<

But enough of that: return with me to the United Kingdom.

As I did last week, I will begin with something from Oxford. Late one afternoon as we were heading for our bus stop, we saw a Bobby running after someone on a bike. He was losing ground fast so he stopped another young man, and, ignoring his protest, commandeered his bike to continue the chase. Sorry, but I don’t know how it all ended.<<<

Last week, I failed to mention our delightful train ride from London to Edinburgh. We traveled first class, facing one another with a table between and no one occupying the reserved seats next to us. It was both relaxing and totally fascinating to sit, sipping on my coffee, reading occasionally but mostly just watching as we passed nuclear plants and castles, grazing land and the North Sea.

On Monday, it was good-bye (with regrets) to Edinburgh and on to York. Actually the good-bye wasn’t that easy as we managed to get lost while trying to leave the city. We stopped to ask directions three times and each person was gracious and gave specific directions. Then we would pull away, turn to one another and say, “what did he/she say?”

But we made it, and once on the highway the drive was easy. Our first destination was Alnwick where Barb wanted to visit the famous gardens, and I wanted to take some pictures of the castle (left) where Harry P. learned to fly on his Nimbus broomstick and Helen Mirren ruled as HBO’s “Elizabeth I.” We got lucky. One stop included both, so Barb toured the garden and I the castle. We could have used more time at the garden, they even had one of the world’s few poisonous plants gardens, but a little was a whole lot better than nothing.

Our second stop in Alnwick was at Barter Books, a cool used bookstore in an old train station.

We arrived in York at about 4:30 to find Tom waiting. After checking into our hotel he took us on a preview walking tour. We had heard that York was a great city to visit and it was. He showed us the highlights including the magnificent York Minster Cathedral. York Minster was built over a period of time spanning the 12th to the 15th Century and is the largest Gothic church in England. York itself was the northern most Roman city in Britain. This is where Constantine was proclaimed Roman emperor, and there are several statues of him in the city. (left)

We were all craving Mexican food. Barb had googled one before we left home and Tom had scouted it out. So we dined Mexican in York and it was surprisingly good.

The next morning I had coffee in the York Train Station, which was so close to our hotel that it seemed almost a part. Then we met Tom for breakfast and set off to explore. It is a great, fascinating, walled city with narrow streets, small shops and historic sights. (Even a store with Baskin Robbin’s ice cream, and you know how far back that goes.) I added two new Starbuck’s, one where Tom and I took a break by an upstairs window while Barb explored several stores and a second that goes on my all-time favorites list. It was in an old bank building with a domed ceiling - just way cool! Tom got a little tired of the shopping and took off for train station pictures and the hotel. Barb had great ice cream in Thurston’s and then we went to the library for computer and reading time while waiting to meet Tom for the Evensong at the York Minster.

Barb had wanted to attend an Evensong the whole trip, and we could not have found a more beautiful or historic place. We thought it would be simply music, but it turned out to be a religious service with ceremony and music. Still it was well worth our time, even though my mind wondered to how ironic it would be if I were to drop dead while in church.

Afterwards we went to another Barb-researched place for dinner. It was an old restaurant called Russell’s Carvery where roast beef, pork, turkey or lamb or, if one chooses, portions of 3 of the 4. Both the food and the trifle were excellent.<<<

Lost midst Shakespeare and the pottery. The next morning we parted, Tom heading back north and we to Barnsley in the Southern Cotswolds. My wife had googled directions but I had looked at an AAA map and overruled Google. My bad! Needless to say, we again became hopelessly lost and a 4-hour trip took closer to 8. We did find Denby however and had a good times drooling over pottery that we had no way to bring, or ship, home. We also found Stratford-upon-Avon but, for two reasons, we couldn’t stop. First, there were far more tourists than parking places and second because we were so lost that we could not tell Stratford from Avon. By this time Barb was shedding tears of frustration and I was cussing, or perhaps it was the other way around, but we FINALLY found Barnsley, which is a picture-book English country town.

Our first impression of Barnsley House B&B, (below left) our most costly hotel, was very favorable but it turned out to be perhaps our least favorite. We battled millions of bugs, had the worst of our complimentary breakfasts and had to deal with a rather surly staff. Maybe we are not cut out for the English countryside.

The restaurant at our place was very fancy and very expensive, so we walked a beautiful block to a pub that they also own. Barb liked it but not as much as I did. To me it was the model for country pub-restaurants. The chicken was excellent and the ravioli OK.

Thursday, Sept. 14th – The day without lights. It was raining in the morning and we had no power at night, but still had a nice day. After a stop in Cirencester, we drove on back roads where we saw the ruins of a 3rd century Roman Villa, a farm store, 2 deer, triple-figure pheasants and a huge flock of sheep being herded home by 3 sheep dogs and a man on a tractor. Next we drove into Bilbury, another prototypical English countryside town, – thatched roofed cottages, etc. We found a neat pub, The Catherine Wheel, which turned out to be two 15th century buildings now joined by a bar. I had an excellent mushroom soup and a good shrimp curry and Barb a pork chop, good but too fatty. We met a charming old couple at the next table. They must have been in their mid-eighties but still drove those narrow roads to their regular eating place. They called the next day to, I assume, invite us to visit, but we missed their call. We returned to our dark B&B - the electricity was out - and sat with candles until bedtime.

The next day, Friday, was Stonehenge (left) and Bath day. As usual the getting there took us longer than expected - for one thing, we stopped and mailed home a package of dirty clothes to make room in our suitcase for new purchases. As I write this, the box still hasn’t arrived, so customs must still be checking through our dirty sox. Stonehenge was totally moving and awe-inspiring. I could have spent hours alternating between walking around looking at it and just sitting to take it all in.

Sadly, our time in Bath was much too short – equal parts late arrival and being so concerned about getting lost that we wanted to make sure we left in time to get back to Barnsley before dark. Our worry proved groundless because our return took much less time then expected. But we did get lucky in Bath. We had no clue as to where we were, but the beat up lot in which we parked turned out to be a short walk to Sally Linn’s where I lunched on one of her famous bun sandwich (roast beef with horseradish sauce) and Barb, welsh rarebit. I finished with a great apple pie with clotted cream. It was incredible eating at a place that Charles Dickens used to patronize.

Luckily, the Roman baths were close by so we had an all-to-quick look. I “took the waters” along with some excellent directions from the man selling them by the glass.

After stopping for a break at our B&B while I took some pictures of the town, we returned to The Catherine Wheel for a light dinner.

After Barnsley we were a little tired and sort of wishing that it was time to come home. As it turned out, we are very thankful that the wish did not come true. We loved our2 ½ days in Oxford. Everything and everywhere was so good that we had no favorite part of the trip, but Oxford was right there with the best.

To get us off to a good start, the drive was easy! We arrived at our hotel (Paramount Oxford) at 10:30. It was too early to check in, but they stored our bags and gave us directions to the bus stop a half-block away. The busses ran frequently, it was 10-minutes to downtown and, except for our trip to turn the car in, (Hooray!) they became our exclusive means of transportation.

As usual we hopped on a tour bus to get acquainted with the city. We made its complete circle and then stayed on to return to our destination – Alice’s House. This shop is where the Alice that Lewis Caroll took to Wonderland used to go for candy. She was fascinated by the voice of the little old lady that ran it, so Caroll turned the lady into the mouse shopkeeper in the book.

A short walk from Alice’s house and even more appealing was George and Danver, an ice cream store so good (raspberry – J, and dime vanilla - B) that I didn’t think it could be bettered anyplace but Fosselman’s. I was wrong.

Across the street was one of Oxford’s 30 colleges, Christ Church whose alumni include John Locke, W. H. Auden and Lewis Carroll. It also housed the Harry Potter and the Hogwarts kids but only for the stair-climbing scenes. Close by was University College where the brilliant, charming and talented Bill Clinton was a Rhodes Scholar. We continued our exploration - the town is incredible with all its gothic spires and the Thames running through its center. At one point I was forced to take a drink break at my 12th UK Starbuck’s.

We ate dinner at a small pub down an alley close to Border’s in the town center. My lamb curry was excellent and Barb’s cheeseburger very good, although the meat, while tasty, was more the consistency of meatloaf.

After this we walked a bit more, and I tried on several cool tee shirts at Debenhams, none of which fit. Except for a store called Fat Face, almost all size XX in the UK runs too small for a large-“chested” man like me.

The next morning we had the complimentary breakfast at our hotel, which was not fancy but clean and comfortable – and so convenient. The food, except for the fried bread, was only all right. Another black and white muffin from Edinburgh would have been nice. Returning to town, we again walked and explored. (I explored Starbuck’s number 13) We passed the gates of Lincoln College and, although it was closed, Barb persuaded the woman at the gate to let us walk around the grounds. Falling for Barb’s charms, the lady did even better – she gave us a small tour of the beautiful grassy quads (left) and a peek inside the dining hall. Barb, who couldn’t believe they had one, wanted to see the student’s pub but that was closed and off limits.

We then (surprise) took an ice cream break – I had delicious Blackberry Ripple from a place called the Buttery and Barb ‘s Café Latte from Thurston’s, (the same as one she had in York) was almost as good.

By then it was time to see “The Queen.” We started in regular seats but, again, my wife came through. She found out that the balcony seats were much larger and reserved, so we exchanged tickets and moved upstairs.

Afterwards we had a disappointing dinner at an Italian restaurant that looked really neat. It wasn’t bad, just no better than average.

Monday, Sept 18 – Our last day. Before we returned the rental car we drove to Blenheim Palace built by Queen Anne for John Churchill, the First Duke of Marlborough, after he defeated the French at the Battle of Blenheim. It is thought to be the finest Baroque building in England.

There have been ten Dukes of Marlborough and the ninth married young Consuelo Vanderbilt, so beautiful that playwright Sir James Barrie, author of Peter Pan, wrote: "I would stand all day in the street to see Consuelo Marlborough get into her carriage." (She must have shown a bit of ankle.)

As I heard this story on our tour, I couldn’t help but think of our trip last fall to North Carolina and our visit to the Vanderbilt estate, The Biltmore. Two incredible houses one on the Atlantic’s west side, one on its east, connected, if loosely, by this marriage – land and prestige joined to immense wealth.

It was in this house of his relatives that Winston Churchill was born while his mother was attending a party. And just down the road a mile or so Sir Winston is buried amongst the many Churchill-Marlboroughs. So we saw his birth room and his tomb.

Once again, our time was short. We drove to the place where we could turn in our Hertz rental (getting lost only once) and taxied down town to another great bookstore, Blackwell.

Afterwards we went to the marketplace, a cool mixture of fresh food and shops, where we shared an avocado and cheese sandwich and watched the filming of a few scenes of “Inspector Morse.” Still hungry we returned to George and Danver. Alas, they had no raspberry on this day, so we both had the delicious dime vanilla.

While Barb returned to Debenhams, where she bought two of the tee shirts that wouldn’t fit me, I walked, for pictures, to the pub, The Eagle And The Child - where J. R. Tolkin, C. S. Lewis and others used to hang out and share their latest manuscripts. Alas, still not having satisfied my unholy desires, I returned to the Buttery for a double-dish of the same blackberries and cream that I had the day before. I ate it at a table in the street, and IT WAS THE BEST ICE CREAM I HAVE EVER EATEN!

I met Barb and we returned to the hotel to pack for our long journey home.

Tuesday morning we (Barb) finished packing and took a taxi to the bus station for the trip to Heathrow. Security and our wait was uneventful – nice terminal - but the mob jammed up for loading was something about which the BAA could improve.

Flying home we outraced the sun, both taking off and landing in daylight. As I mentioned two weeks ago, the views from the plane window were unbelievable. The cloud cover lifted at the right time for us to see the east and west coasts of Greenland. We saw dozens of icebergs floating below as well as snow-capped mountains and glaciers. But not even the snows of Greenland were as spectacular as those on Baffin Island. (left)

If you have gotten this far, thanks for your patience. I wanted to share the wonder of it all.

Nobody 666

Sunday, October 1, 2006
Nobody # 666

Nobody Asked Me But:

Come on now, even I am suspicious of all the “when did they know?” bashing of the House Republican leadership over the Rep. Mark Foley e-mails. I may not like their politics, but Dennis Hastert and Co. were no more likely to cover up an internal sex scandal then would the Catholic Church.<<<

On Banned Books Week: This was a week to again remind oneself of the insurmountable difference between a liberal like I and the Radical Religious Right. They want to forbid me to read, among others “Harry Potter,” “Of Mice and Men” and “Tom Sawyer.” I do not want to ban them from reading their bibles.<<<

A question: Did the Republicans three, Senators McCain, Graham and Warner, after promising to fight the good fight, (a) get any real concessions from The White House on the Detainee Bill or (b) did they sell out? Answer: (b)<<<

On Socrates, Einstein, time and relativity: If you remember, I have had the gall to contradict Socrates by writing that the “unlived life is not worth examining.” For example, when we were in the UK we were too busy living to examine and with this an interesting phenomenon occurred. Rather than speeding up, time seemed to almost stand still. This leads me to wonder if I aged more slowly on this trip? If I did, does this mean that constant travel will keep me alive an extra 10, 20, 50 years?<<<

On driving in the U.K.: I will start this week’s vacation review by recounting the only negative of the trip – the driving. As you know, they do turn everything backwards over there. They drive on the wrong side of the car on the wrong side of the road. I am surprised that shifting into reverse doesn’t move one forward and vice versa. On my first day behind the wheel, I drove by the numbers - 5 left curbs hit, 4 cars on my left side-swiped, 3 times saved from disaster by the skill of other drivers, 2 pedestrians near misses and 1 frightened wife. A poor start, I’ll grant you, but I committed myself to making the following day better by cutting down on the curbs by at least 1.

The fact that I succeeded in my goal (barely) was in no way due to British roads or the signing thereof. Except for Expressways (marked M) and small country lanes, British law, it seems, requires a rounder every quarter mile. That same law requires that rounder exit signs be made as confusing as possible.

One final word about driving in the UK: except in very rare circumstances, do not expect to both drive and see. It works like this. The British have three types of roads. M stands for superhighway where the traffic is very fast and the scenery decaffeinated, much like on our Interstates in the U. S. Then you have the A roads, mostly two lanes, again with fast drivers, and the right/left challenged desperately trying to avoid the oncoming traffic on the right (wrong) and the small curbs on the left, while all of the time trying to read and round. The third type is what I call the See roads. There are so narrow that everyone has to go slow - and sometimes even back up. If you find yourself driving on one of these and the views on both sides are not blocked by large hedges, you might just catch a glimpse of an occasional cottage or estate, pheasant or deer. (or very large pig) Even than there were few places to pull over to take pictures.<<<

On “The Queen:” One of the great kicks on our trip, especially after witnessing the Princess Di thing at Harrod’s, was, while in Oxford, seeing this new film staring Helen Mirren. (It opened in NYC Friday and the rest of the U. S. on 10/6)

It is about the reaction of the Royal family to Diana’s death and of Tony Blair’s high wire act as the new Prime Minister who gently prodded royalty towards reality. Elizabeth wanted to ignore the whole event. After all, Royals don’t show their feelings in public, and feelings weren’t her strong point anyway. Besides, much to their relief, Diana hadn’t been royalty since the divorce.

Her royal husband, Phillip, had even more of a nobility ramrod up his rear than did his wife. Even though primarily an errand boy for HRH, he still gave the impression that “divine right” was alive and well.

Prince Charles was weakness personified – half afraid that an anti-royalist was going to assassinate him, half guilty about the way his failures as a husband contributed to the death of his children’s.

This story of how Elizabeth grudgingly sees the necessity of reaching out to her subjects in their time of need, is a marvelous film and Mirren is perfection in capturing a Queen who must step outside herself.<<<

But more of Oxford later, our next stop after London was Edinburgh, a living proof that old can be beautiful. It is an incredible city filled with literature and politics, yesterday and today. In the center of town there is a wondrous monument to Sir Walter Scott (left) and statues of Victoria and George IV. (Did you know that he was the “inspiration” for Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie, which was really a secret way to mock the young prince?)

Nowhere is the contrast between yesterday and today more striking than on The Royal Mile, which is anchored at each end by the very old. At the top is Edinburgh Castle and at the bottom, Hollyroodhouse Palace, where Mary, Queen of Scots lived and where the Queen stays on visits to Edinburgh. Just before you get to the latter you pass the new Parliament building so out of place in its modern design that it is an embarrassment to the good people of the city.

Walking the Mile one passes the birthplace of John Knox, the Protestant reformer whose ideas were the foundation of the Presbyterian Church and the grave of Adam Smith, the great politician, economic philosopher and author of “The Wealth of Nations.”

Walk two blocks off the Mile and you encounter a different kind of literary memorial. The Black Medicine Coffee Company is the coffee house where J. K. Rowling wrote the first Harry Potter book.

And to prove that new is not always bad, along the Mile one can always stop in at two Starbuck’s.

Other Scottish writers honored in this city of monuments include R. L. Stevenson, of whom I wrote last week, the great philosopher David Hume, J. M. Barrie, (Peter Pan) Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and, of course for Auld Lang Syne, Scotland’s National Poet, Robert (Bobby) Burns.

Our hotel was a good example of the old and the new in Edinburgh. Its entrance looked to be 19th Century, but around it a beautiful hotel has been built. It was our best of the trip and our room one of our top 10 of all time.

Each suite is named after a type of Scotch. Ours was Bowmore and, sure enough, a complementary mid-sized bottle awaited us. Naturally I had a shot a day - just to be courteous, of course.

In addition to the national drink, our room had leather coaches, a very large bathroom and a divider that separated sitting from king-sized sleeping. A Sharp Aqua was set into the divider and swiveled 180 degrees to serve both rooms. From our balcony which almost equaled our room size, we could see newly-sculptured metal giraffes below, a statue of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle that was almost a century old across the street, an even older church on another corner and, to the North, the Fifth of Forth, (try to say that after a 12-year-old Scotch) the river and estuary that separates Edinburgh from St. Andrews and other towns. Just to make it practically perfect, there were power switches by the bed that controlled everything including the drapes.

We put the television to great use one night. Barb discovered that there was to be an Inspector Rebus show on that evening. Rebus is the main character in a series of books written by Ian Rankin. Both the author and his character live and work in Edinburgh and by design I was reading a Rebus at the time. So it was great fun to see the program while we were there.<<<

We had some of our best food in Edinburgh and most certainly the worst. Searching for a good dinner our first night, we took the advice of two girls working in a sporting goods store close to the hotel and walked about 3 blocks to Vittoria. I had risotto with sausage and radicchio and Barb, chicken. She liked hers and I loved mine. We returned on our final night for an excellent pizza and very good lasagna.

Even better was the black and white muffin we shared from a place called Chocolate Soup – as good or close to as good as any we have ever eaten. Needless to say, we returned another day for seconds.

Probably Barb’s very favorite food on the whole trip, excluding ice cream and muffins, was the fried onions at Bell’s Diner, a hamburger place about which she had read. It took us two taxi rides – the first driver got lost – to get there but the food was worth it. So was the small bookstore across the street where we talked with the manager until closing time.

As for the worst, one day we were walking and tired and didn’t see much promising, so we settled on the Conan Doyle Pub across from our hotel. The history was great, Doyle had lived close by, but the food was bad. I had 3 types of Scottish Sausage, none of which I liked, with mashed potatoes in onion gravy and Barb, mediocre fish and chips.<<<

St. Andrew’s:

St. Andrew’s is about an hour and a quarter’s drive from Edinburgh. Since this was my first day behind the wheel, it took us 3 hours. But when we finally got to this beautiful birthplace of golf, it all proved to be worthwhile. However, all the getting lost experiences (I even got lost in the men’s room at the Old Course Hotel) meant we didn’t have nearly enough time to explore this quaint city on the North Sea.

By happy accident, the course is closed on Sunday so I, along with many other adults, children and their dogs, had the thrill of walking part of the 18th fairway in the footsteps of Tiger, Nicholas, Palmer and so many other golf greats.

We had only a short time in the quaint town, but it was long enough to make us regret our late arrival and also long enough for me to buy a cool shirt, Barb, a beautiful sweater at the hotel and to have (surprise) ice cream.

The drive back was somewhat easier.<<<

We also had two interesting encounters that day. A young Serbian man asked Barb for directions in St. Andrews and a Chinese couple asked us for directions after we were back in Edinburgh. We were a “big help.”<<<

The next morning we left for York, so I will conclude this week’s true-life adventure with some general observations about our short stay in Scotland.

We loved it.

If London is, as I observed, cosmopolitan, Edinburgh is provincial.

There are more sirens in Edinburgh.

England’s legal system is based on common law, Scotland’s on Roman law. Here is one example of the difference. England has a twelve-person jury and no double jeopardy*. Scottish juries have 15 people and limited double jeopardy.

* England recently passed a law (no written constitution, no need to amend) permitting double jeopardy for certain crimes if new hard evidence is discovered.

Next week I will complete my account of our first trip across the Atlantic.