Nobody 873

Sunday, June 26, 2011

Nobody # 873

Nobody Asked Me But:

(With an apology to Ernest Thayer for messing with his classic, “Casey At The Bat”)

And now Bud Selig has the ball

And now he lets it zing

And not a ripple fans the breeze

At Frankie’s feeble swing

Ah, somewhere in this smog-filled place

Sweet Jamie feels regret

And somewhere Frankie’s lawyers

Get their billing vouchers set

And somewhere Frankie’s fleeing friends

Are overcome with doubt,

But there is much joy in Dodgertown

Frank McCourt has struck out

And now on with THE WEEK THAT WAS

Illegal’s started this fire, and I’m not a liar,

I have evidence says Senator McCain

No, it’s nowhere on paper

The proof of this caper

Is hidden right here in my brain

Georgia’s new law is not without flaw

Their attempt at an immigrant solution

Like ‘zona’s fiction

They claim jurisdiction

Can none read the Constitution

Bristol’s lament about that night in the tent

When the guy stole her sweet purity

Said, had he once or twice

Asked me real nice

I would have given it to him for free

Chris Wallace of Fox, was knocked out of his sox

When Jon Stewart he did debate

Stewart, the joker,

Showed up mediocre

As newsy, at best, second rate

What makes Jon great is not up for debate

What puts him on top of the game

He is the sleuth

Who proclaims the truth

That politics and jokes are the same

It’s Liechtenstein’s way to accept people gay

And allow them to marry their choice

But here in the States

As gay freedom awaits

The Far Right still speaks with loud voice

Palin’s so slick in this whitewashing flick

That it puts a fair mind out of sorts

Does this Bannon guy

Think the public will buy

A film of her life with no warts

Jon Huntsman showed class, the Pres won’t bash

The guy’s not a bottom feeder

Said the choice is not for

Who loves country more

But who will be better as leader

Japan’s new computer, a cool trouble-shooter

Its speed is faster than fast

When put to the test

Against China’s best

Shows the Sino one’s only half-fast

McCourt “The Bold,” says if Dodgers are sold

It will only be part of the plot

Give another the team

It won’t bother my scheme

I’m still King of the Parking Lot

Keith Olbermann’s back, and on the attack

No bad guys he wants going free

But if slightly less strident

When he waves his trident

More effective he might actually be

It’s retrospect, but what the heck

Sometimes hindsight is great

The U.S. plan

To get out of Afghan

Is about 7 or 8 years late

Thirty percent won’t pay the rent

On the White House for President B.

Most voters unhappy

Say everyone’s crappy

From the polling place they are ready to flee

EVERYTHING LAKERS

That Jim Buss is running the Lakers is stunning

He seems much less owner than clown

I’m telling you,

The guy has no clue

He is running the Lakers far down

He’d rather die than trade the big guy

Andrew’s his one claim to fame

Too bad his dad

Didn’t teach Jimmy lad

That winning’s the name of the game

Magic said “blow up,” Mitch Kupchek says “grow up”

Your comment the Lakers won’t hear

Yes, they played without grace

Even stunk up the place

But we hope they’ll be better next year

If the Lakers stand pat, stay right where they’re at

Then my affection’s a thing of the past

If Kup makes no trade

Then F is his grade

And I hope that they finish dead last

In five days we will have finished another half-year, which means it is time for me to list my best/favorite books to this point in 2011.

The best book I have read since January 1, is Tana French’s Irish novel, Faithful Place. When I reviewed it earlier, I called it the Irish Mystic River. I wrote then that this was high praise. It still is.

Second on my list is, interestingly enough, another Irish crime novel, the recently finished Collusion, by Stuart Neville. (Reviewed in Nobody 872.)

Third on my list is Ken Follett’s history epic, Fall of Giants. Giants, the first of a trilogy, is not a great book, but it is a greatly entertaining one.

Special mention goes to a book I finished last week, Sisters, by British debut author Rosamund Lupton. It is a gripping story about a sister who returns to England, determined to prove that her sister was murdered, rather than a suicide as the police and everyone else have proclaimed.

NPR recently conducted a poll on people’s all-time favorite mystery/thriller books. They ended with a top 100 list. Here are the top 10, with a few of my comments.

1. The Silence of the Lambs by Thomas Harris

2. The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo by Stieg Larsson

3. Kiss The Girls by James Patterson

4. The Bourne Identity by Robert Ludlum

5. In Cold Blood by Truman Capote

6. The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown

7. The Shining by Stephen King

8. And Then There Were None by Agatha Christie

9. The Hunt For The Red October by Tom Clancy

10. The Hound of the Baskervilles by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle

I think a legitimate case can be made for numbers 1, 4, 5, 7, 8 and 10. I am not saying they belong this high or that I would put all of them here, but neither are they glaringly out of place. That category is reserved for Da Vinci, which, in my opinion, belongs more on a list of the worst bestsellers of all time. Kiss The Girls is probably the best of the Patterson books but that is not a badge of merit. October is a good book, but not this good. Dragon Tattoo is even better but not quite top 10. Or is it?

Next week, my top 10 - I know that all of you can hardly wait.

Pictures - the first is, of course, the Golden Gate Bridge from a different perspective. The second is a sign on a dressing room door in the Napa Valley town of Sr. Helena.

Nobody 872

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Nobody # 872

Nobody Asked Me But:

I was rereading one of Robert B. Parker’s Spenser books, The Judas Goat, last week and I came upon this quote: “If a man tires of London, he tires of life.” I loved London, so I agree. I would add Maine, The Bay Area and, of course, Hawaii to my list and, in a few months, Paris, no doubt.

WALL OF SHAME

The hypocritical Democrats who forced Weiner out when in the past they were willing to overlook President Bill’s “that was not sex” with Monica. While I think the former’s public posing was, to put it in formal terms, a little more icky-sicky than the President’s slippery zipper, I would have condemned neither to private life for their transgression. And most certainly not one more than the other.

Or, to put it another way:

Some Dems are meaner to Anthony Weiner

Then they were back when President Bill

Chose to let Monica

Play his harmonica

When it seems like the difference is nil

BACK TO THE WALL OF SHAME

Campaigning for awards – is there no modesty left in America?

Newsmedia – for their large role in creating the age of hype over substance.

THAT WAS THE WEEK THAT WAS

Let’s hear it for Dirk who’s clearly no jerk

This man seems the essence of class

The opposite of James

Who, at the end of the games

On effort the guy took a pass

The series is done, the victory won

The good guys on top with a bang

What’s bad about James

Are all of the claims

That decisions are made by his gang

With a Hitchcock attack, the bad birds are back

‘though they’ve moved northwest from Bodega

Their attack never stops

As they seek out more cops

let’s hope they’re not starting Omega

Michele is running, and no I’m not funning

Her win would be a disaster

This woman of course

Is just like the horse

That was dressed up by Lady Astor

Dwarfs, there were seven, hope to recreate heaven

For business and the social far right

If one comes in first

Then expect the worst

For America, not morning but night

Judge Vaughn Walker’s gay, so give him no say

On this issue not one of them budges

But if all bias we ban

Assuming we can

In the end we will have no more judges

We can’t have blacks judging blacks and watching their backs

And on bleeding-heart women we’ll bail

we on the right

won’t give up the fight

‘till all judges are white Christian male

A heart with no beat could turn out to be neat

On centrifugal pumps you may thrive

Without heartbeat you’ll be

From pulse rate you’re free

And what’s best is you’ll still be alive

A study shows that the way it now goes

Women are paid by the pound

Over weight, out of luck

Business pays the big buck

To ladies more thinner than round

What Obama should learn before his bridges all burn

Is this from President Cupid

Forget all the big things

They won’t get you brass rings

It’s just the economy, stupid

Michele’s tough on all gays, can’t stand their ways

And she admires a neo-Naz creep

Yet after debate

Some said she was great

It’s enough to make a man weep

This NFL star is eager to bar

Gay marriage as not in God’s plans

Tyree caught a key pass

But the guy has no class

His brains are all in his hands

This is a tome ‘bout a team with no ho

me

A renovation that ends in abort

for this Bronx football team

it was no field of dream

‘cause they built the thing twenty yards short

The AARP gets no pass from me

If to support cuts they finally agree

Of all programs solely

Soc Security is holy

So I say to them et tu RP

Book review - Collusion by Stuart Neville

Last year, Stuart Neville won the LA Times award in the mystery/suspense/thriller category for his excellent The Ghosts of Belfast. I had heard that Collusion was equally as good. It was.

The corruption still underlies everything in Northern Ireland, even reaching into the special branch of the police force. Still pulling the strings behind the scene, is Bull O’Kane, left crippled but not dead by Gary Fegan in Ghost. Big mistake. O’Kane hires the Traveler to find and kill Fegan. To do so, he must use a woman and her young daughter as bait, which brings Officer jack Lennon, the girl’s father into the picture.

The violent, closing scene takes up about 10% of the book. It is one of the most exciting and satisfying in my memory. (And I am not a huge fan of violence.)

Let’s hear it for the Aussies. In a recent survey, only they listed chocolate as their favorite food, while in Mother England it finished a distant sixth. World wide, the favorites were pasta, meat and rice, while in the U.S. they were pizza, steak and chicken.

Last week I conducted my own survey to determine once and for all whether mocha malts or my wife’s tacos are number one on my list. At noon we shared an excellent Coldstone malt and for dinner Barbara served her tacos.

Four tacos later and the verdict was in – tacos, no contest.

(Your author reading Parker.)

Nobody 871

Sunday, June 12, 2011

Nobody # 871

Nobody Asked Me But:

(Note: Other than this one at the top, the pictures have nothing to do with the text. I just like them. One is a shot of orchids in our backyard. The second is a star jasmine dinosaur on Santa Monica. The third is what my wife says each morning.)

AND NOW - TWTWTW

Paul Revere had nothing to fear

From the British according to Palin

Says you can leave it or take it

The truth’s what I make it

Though in history my grades were all fail’n

So she’s no history wiz, but I guess that’s show biz

And, no, I don’t mean to bait her

Sarah’s far from my pick

But it’s no easy trick

To turn Paul Revere into traitor

She said, I don’t goof, I’m telling the truth

We’ve believed history guys far too long

You know what I think

They’re all liberal and pink

And they always get everything wrong

Things are quite strange in this world of change

And often demand second looks

When a headline I read

Of an Amazon deed

I think not of river but books

Not guilty am I said the Dominique guy

She said yes to our sexual dance

Besides what’s the big deal

If I copped a free feel

It’s my favorite pastime in France

It’s not that they’re blaming the umpire

Or chasing her right out the door

But the Gator chicks claim

That the blind umpire dame

Made them lose their game fourteen to four

Pardon me, but it used to be

That one’s head in the clouds was real bad

If my head there’s not good

Then tell me why should

I store files there to suit the new fad

The Congressman was getting quite desperate

He longed to display flag unfurled

So Weiner went tweet

Said this sure is neat

I can show all my stuff to the world

Santorum is sure that he favors torture

He proclaims it is a valued tool of war

What gives him insight

That it works day and night

He saw it’s success on “24”

Now Rick is quite defensive ‘bout this issue

He puts down anyone who calls him wrong

Says it’s plain that John McCain

Undervalues pain

He’s been away from torture far too long

Anonymous e-card confessions

Those topics too touchy for words

It’s a trend not becoming

I would feel like was slumming

Just something new to do for all the herds

Just thinking ‘bout the new cicada ice cream

Makes me lose what’s left of all my poise

It would taste so really ick

The very thought makes me sick

And what I’d hate even more is all the noise

Because Madame Judge likes her dresses

She must ride the elevator every day

It seems the glass stairway

Provides an unfair way

‘cause it put what she has on display

A television ad for new X-Men

Said reviewers had rated it quite high

But here is the joker

The reviews were mediocre

So the ad it seems was just an outright lie

It seems that once the Divine Sarah stops re-teaching American history, she is headed for Europe and has let it be known that she would like to visit Dame Margaret Thatcher. The former PM (and/or those advising her) want no part of such a scenario. In fact one of Thatcher’s top people was quoted as follows:

“One is a giant figure; the other, politically speaking, a carnival pygmy better suited to life on a second-rate reality television show.”

Not being a Thatcher admirer, I am not too sure about the first part of his statement, but, with the second part, he was right on target.

IMO – For President Obama to be reelected, one of two things must happen: (1) unemployment drops drastically, (2) the Republicans nominate a can’t win candidate like Sarah Palin.

SOME THINGS THAT REMIND ME THAT I’M GLAD I’M NOT YOUNG ANYMORE.

The number of laughs that crude gets

The rapid decline of courtesy

Athletes who celebrate me more than we

Over the top public address announcers at sporting events

Water For Elephants by Sara Gruen - I finally read WFE and, although I didn’t love it, as my friends who recommended to me did, I liked it and enjoyed it a lot. As in several books that I have read lately, there is a main story and a back-story. Usually I greatly prefer one over the other, but in this case I found the main story – Jacob in the circus, and the back story – Jacob at 90 or is it 93 telling the story, about equal in interest. I thought the characters were well drawn, especially my favorite, Rosie the elephant.

If you want love and adventure i

n a 1930s circus, try this, you’ll like it.

Nobody 870

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Nobody # 370

Nobody Asked Me But:

When I preached those sermons, eons ago

For the praise I almost caught myself falling

Older ladies in line

Said, “You really did fine

Great sermon, you sure missed your calling”

Midnight In Paris, Woody Allen’s new film is marvelous. It is a feast for your eyes, (Paris is breathtaking) your ears, (the dialogue is sharp, the musical score, wonderful) your mind (as you consider the allure of the

past vs. living in the now) and your soul (if imagination and romance are still alive there). See it.

Exciting news for ice coffee lovers – Trader Joe’s is now selling mocha and latte in cans. I have tried them both and they are as good or better than any except Illy’s. And, at $3.99 per four-pack, the price is right. I wish, like Illy’s, they would sell a straight iced coffee, still my favorite. Actually, since wishes are free, I wish Starbuck’s and Caribou would start selling their canned iced coffee again.

Meanwhile, back to Trader Joe’s twosome. in the immortal words of Mae West, “Try it, you’ll like it.”

Anyone else notice that Madonna’s face is looking more and more like that of the older Bette Davis? But the rest of her body is still her own – thank goodness.

THAT WAS THE WEEK THAT WAS

The mundane is so hard to remember

Sometimes my memory’s a pain

So why is it tough

To remember that stuff

It’s ‘cause who needs to remember mundane

I talked to a man about Newt’s wild plan

This guy views him with friendly affection

I asked can’t it be

Why can’t he just be he

The guy said, what, and lose the election

Bishop Ed Long paid more than a song

For his sexual dance with boy teens

This fake man of God

When he saw a teen bod

Said `twas the devil who unzipped my jeans

You have to say this for Obama

Most things he does with real class

You can see by this shot

A great eye he has got

As he checks out this young lady’s shoes

Barack and Bibi are dueling

With Barack in the Obi Wan part

Bibi’s the hater

The prime Arab baiter

So don’t expect peace talks to start

The Times had a piece, for last week’s release

To be legit the young lady is yearning

On her wall she hangs nude

She’s clearly no prude

But it still sounds like Paris is turning

Senator Scott Brown is coming around

He’s voting like Collins and Snowe

I won’t mind a repeat

In the Kennedy seat

He seems like an honorable foe

Her Verizon bill was most shocking

You owe us big bucks now, it said

Your payments were late

Way past the due date

And we don’t even care that you’re dead

Said President Gee of the Buckeyes

I know that my actions were slow

Our coach was a sinner

But he was a big winner

It was so hard to let him go

Jerome Corsi has a new birther book

About which I want to speak plain

My feelings are strong

I won’t call him wrong

I’ll be honest and say he’s inane – or insane

The Bunny’s are wearing new outfits

Now Hef is a makeover king

Modest they’re not

They still show a lot

As Tony would say, "badda Bing"

What show would you choose, which one would amuse

If bring back a program you could

Right from the start

It tugged at my heart

Won’t you come back Everwood

The House played a phony game of chicken

They cleared it with Wall Street before

To not raise the debt ceiling

Is Tea Party appealing

But Obama will give them what for.

“We hate the mandate” seems to be the current Republican mantra. But it wasn’t always so. Party leaders who now sing of the people’s freedom not to be insured, once, not so very long ago, sang a different tune. It was called personal responsibility – require everyone to buy health insurance so that they do not become a public burden. We all know that Romney helped pass a mandate law in Mass. Senator Hatch and candidate Newt, now both adamantly opposed, championed it in the past as did that holy temple of conservatism, The Heritage Foundation.

What changed? Two things. A president

named Obama and a noisy tea-drinking pressure group. It’s one thing not to have the courage of one’s convictions, but if you ask these guys what their convictions really are, their reply will be – “What day is it?”

REVIEWS

The Devil’s Light by Richard North Patterson – Patterson’s novel, Exile, published in 2007 was an exciting story with a rarely seen balanced look at the Israeli/Palestinian crisis. That same balance underlies this new thriller about nuclear terrorism. Excellent!

Kiss Her Goodbye by Mickey Spillane and Max Allen Collins – I bought this book on impulse, after reading a favorable review. I hadn’t read a Mike Hammer book in forty years. Even in Collins’ hands, (Spillane chose Collins to complete his unfinished works) the detective hasn’t changed much. He still avenges all wrongs with prejudice so extreme that I couldn’t keep up with the body count. Still, it was good meeting Pat Chambers and Velda again. I will probably wait forty years to read another Hammer book, but I am glad I read this one.

Save Me by Lisa Scottoline – I also bought this book on impulse, the story had an interesting premise – mother saves child in school fire and but is condemned for choosing her child first. This one was my mistake. The story was full of holes and the writing was common. (By which I mean average or slightly below – and yes, I know, Scottoline writes best sellers.)

The Informant by Thomas Perry – Much like Mike hammer, Thomas Perry’s famous hit man, the Butcher’s Boy, leaves multiple bodies in his wake, but Perry’s “hero” has much more depth then does Hammer. This makes The Informant more literature and less comic book.