Thursday, December 24, 2009
nobody # 798

Nobody asked me but:

There is an old army barracks ballad called “Bless Them All.” It goes something like this.


Bless them all, bless them all
The long and the short and the tall
Bless all the sergeants and W.O. Ones
Bless all the corporals and their bloomen sons
For we're saying good-bye to them all
As back to their billets they crawl
You'll get no promotion this side of the ocean
So cheer up my lads bless them all.*

A few years ago I wrote a shopping poem that is my take on this. It seems appropriate to post it (Again?) as my tribute to the holiday shopping season.


BLESS THE MALL
BY Jim turner

Bless the mall
Bless the mall
It’s crowded from winter to fall
From Christmas promotions
To Thanksgiving notions
Shoppers cheer up
Bless the mall

Bless the mall
Bless the mall
It has something so grand for us all
The latest from Gucci
A sweater for poochie
Shoppers cheer up
Bless the mall

Bless the mall
Bless the mall
Those sizes from extra to small
We fill up the aisles
As we scramble for styles
So shoppers cheer up
Bless the mall

Bless the mall
Bless the mall
Another grand opening call
Big sales are store’s guises
They offer more prizes
Shoppers cheer up
Bless the mall

Bless the mall
Bless the mall
There’s something for thin, round or tall
A textbook on Zen
Or wallpaper your den
Shoppers cheer up
Bless the mall

Bless the mall
Bless the mall
But pray that your motor won’t stall
The race is for spaces
Right next to the places
So shoppers cheer up
Bless the mall

Bless the mall
Bless the mall
They have us all pinned to the wall
You want what they offer
So empty your coffer
Shoppers cheer up
Bless them all

Nobody 797

Sunday, December 20, 2009
Nobody # 797

Nobody Asked Me But:

I've been a little discouraged lately. Let me count the whys.

FIRST THE PETTY ONES:

Tiger – as I have often written, I am not a hero person, but I am a huge fan. And I am disappointed. Not so much for what he did. Sex appeals. If it didn’t, advertising would go under and take capitalism with it. But leaving right or wrong for another debate, I clearly fault the way he did it. There is an old political saying that applies to celebrities as well, “It is dumb to do it in the street and scare the horses.” Tiger was dumb.

Also, since Tiger has always seemed to be about class, if he were going to surrender to temptation I would have thought and wished that he would have chosen classy partners. These ladies were not even close.<<<

Bruin basketball – The Bruins have fallen far and fast. The only people to have fallen farther and faster are the Bruin fans who are calling for Coach Howland’s head. Yes, there are more than a few of these with their small IQs and short memories.

As for the players, they will either buy into Ben’s way, which is to get tough and play intensive defense and turn disaster into decent or I will go back to tiddlying my winks.

Forget the winks. The Bruins looked much better Tuesday. They played hard, shot well and scored a hundred. GO BRUINS!

Ah, a set back yesterday against the Irish. But I still think they will turn it around and have a decent year, leading to an excellent one next season.<<<<

And did you ever stop and think that being a fan is a LITTLE like being in love. To feel the pleasure of winning you must open yourself to the pain of losing. Or to paraphrase the old saying – it is better to have cheered and suffered than never to have cheered at all.<<<

The Dodgers - by doing NOTHING this winter, they seem to have chosen the down glide path. Since the McCourts bought the team it has been baseball on the cheap. Now, with their impending divorce, it is baseball on the cheapskate.<<<

GREATER IMPORTANCE – THE AMERICAN POLITICAL PROCESS

“If you compared it to the alternative, it looks good,” said Senator Sheldon Whitehouse, Democrat of Rhode Island, about the prospect of moving ahead with a measure that does not have a public health insurance option. “If you compare it to the possibilities, it looks pretty sad.”

The quote above pretty much says it all. Right now I am sick to my stomach that a minority can not only impede progress but too often block it outright.<<<

And there is more:

Action: “In a surprise setback for Democratic leaders, Senator Joseph I. Lieberman, independent of Connecticut, said last Sunday that he would vote against the health care legislation in its current form.”

Reaction: A majority of Democrats when asked for a reaction said they were not really surprised by this sudden switch. Joe, they said in a composite statement, is “a perfect balance of overinflated ego and tremendous asshole”.

Reaction # 2: On any list of biggest political mistakes of the decade, the people of Connecticut re-electing Traitor Joe is right up there at 1-2.<<<

Action: Obama's Illinois prison plan faces a high wall - the GOP.

Reaction: This is disgraceful – obstructionism for its own sake. Why don’t the people see the Senate Republicans for the villains they really are?

Reaction # 2: How many prisoners of war did we inter in the United States during WWII? How much damage did they do? Rarely have I felt such contempt for anyone not named Lieberman or Palin.<<<

Action: Speaking of Sarah the P., did you hear her recommendation that our criminal courts should “err on the side of punishment?”

Reaction: Apparently she wants to reverse one of our basic principles of justice to read, “It is better that 99 innocent people be convicted than one guilty person go free.”<<<

And still more

POOR MEMORY OR JUST STUPID?

Last week 27 Democrats AND EVERY SINGLE REPUBLICAN voted in opposition to a modest bill to put brakes on some of the very same Wall Street excesses that got us into the mess that we are still scrambling to get out of.

How long, if ever, before we learn that -

The unregulated free market is the friend of the moneyed class. The regulated free market helps almost everybody.<<<

IGNORE THIS IF YOU HATE FOOD

We ate at Louise’s Trattoria before the Bruin game last Tuesday. It was a delight at a reasonable price. My side Caesar, $3, was the best this side of La Frite and the perfect size. Barb' chicken parmesan, $12, was excellent, one of the best she (we) have had. My fuseli with sweet assuage, onions and peppers in a garlic cream sauce, also $12, was excellent++, as was my Mondavi cab at $7.<<<

INTERESTING FACTS

On their 2008 Transparency International's Corruption Perceptions Index there was 3-way tie for this least corrupt between Denmark, Sweden and New Zealand.

There was also a tie for last between Somalia and South Carolina. Just kidding about South Carolina – I think.<<<

When Ted Kennedy played football at Harvard, the sportswriter for the student paper was David Halberstam.<<<

I watched “Oprah at the White House” this past week and rediscovered one of my favorite things about our president. He makes me smile.<<<

Your reading assignment for the coming week is the David Brooks column written on December 15 and linked below.

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/12/15/opinion/15brooks.html?_r=1

IN MY UTOPIA

Fans at Pauley Pavilion will give a standing ovation to the very elderly couple in our section who attend every Bruin game, even though they have to be helped down the steep stairs and into their seats.<<<

The LA Times recently asked their readers to chose the three best baseball movies of the past twenty-five years from their list of eleven. Here are the results. For a change, my three corresponded with the poll winners. How would you have voted?

A League of Their Own 10% (82 votes)
The Rookie 3% (21 votes)
Field of Dreams 21% (166 votes)
The Benchwarmers <1% (2 votes)
Rookie of the Year 1% (4 votes)
Bull Durham 21% (166 votes)
Angels in the Outfield 2% (12 votes)
Major League 11% (84 votes)
The Natural 20% (158 votes)
For Love of the Game 5% (38 votes)
The Bad News Bears (Walter Matthau version) 7% (53 votes)
875 total votes

TURNER’S TIPS – READ OR SEEN LATELY AND HIGHLY RECOMMENDED

Books
“The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo” - Stieg Larsson
“The Girl Who Played With Fire” - Stieg Larsson
“Wolf Hall” – Hilary Mantel

Movie
“An Education”

Nobody # 796

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Nobody # 796

Nobody Asked Me But:

“By my age I ought to know. You don't get on by being original. You don't get on by being bright. You don't get on by being strong. You get on by being a subtitle crook.” Thomas Cromwell in the Booker Award novel “Wolf Hall,” by Hilary Mantel.

16^th Century England??: Oh! I thought he was talking about Wall Street.<<<

REVISITING THE PRESIDENT’S DECISION ON AFGHANISTAN

“Nation-building in Afghanistan is just too expensive, when balanced against our needs for nation-building at home right now.” Thomas Friedman, NY Times.

Last week I voiced a tentative and qualified vote for President Obama’s decision to send more troops to Afghanistan. My support was based not in “right” but in practical. The war is long past its moral righteousness, but I felt that leaving precipitously was extremely dangerous both politically and strategically. Since last Sunday I have been reading and thinking. I have changed my mind. We should not send any more Americans to die in an unjustifiable conflict. Instead, we should withdraw from Afghanistan as quickly as we can do it, with as close as we can come to maximum safety for our military.<<<

Add-on

Accepting the Nobel – President Obama is right. There are just wars. But this isn’t one of them - any more.<<<

I told you I would forget a song for my top five. The song is “American Pie,” and my top five now numbers six.<<<

IN MY UTOPIA

The top 12.5% of a state's high school graduates will be guaranteed places in the university system. The top one-third of graduates will be assured places in the state colleges. Free community colleges will be open to all. Any graduate of a community college program will be guaranteed admission as a transfer student to a university or state college. Fees and books at those institutions will be no more than a few hundred dollars a year.

Oh wait! That WAS the California plan for higher education developed and put into practice in 1960. It was successful beyond belief until a series of Republican governors and anti-tax idiots fooled the people into destroying it.

But in my utopia, enlightened citizens will bring it back.<<<

ALSO IN MY UTOPIA

No restaurant will even think about serving baked French fries.

Gussied-up French fries (dusted with various seasonings) will only be served upon written request.<<<

Any gift from a lobbyist exceeding the established price for a cup of coffee will be considered bribery and subject to prosecution under the appropriate law.

DEARIE, DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN

Petula Clark touched the arm of Harry Belafonte on her 1968 NBC-TV special? One of the show's sponsors, Chrysler, almost edited it out because it would be considered inappropriate and offensive. (Yes, some memories are bad)<<<

THE GREAT HAMBURGER DEBATE

Above you will see two outstanding hamburgers. The messy one is from Pie and Burger in Pasadena. The other is from that Pico institution, The Apple Pan. Barb likes the P&B one while I will stick with Apple Pan.

But we both agree that the best is the one I cooked on the barbeque last week, and she served up on a cheese bun from Schat’s Bakery in Bishop.<<<

ACTION-REACTION

Action: United States and China have not offered to go far enough to combat climate change, a top European Union official said as a major international summit on the subject opened Monday.

Reaction: Score another one for Europe.<<<

Action: Collider Sets Record, and Europe Takes U.S.’s Lead.

Reaction (From Uncle Sam) – “I lost it! I lost my drive to be the best. Where did the damn thing go?”<<<

Action: Palin on Obama speech: “I liked what he said.”

Reaction: I have heard a lot of insults in my life and that’s right up there at the top.

Action: Sarah Palin’s approval rate is up to 46%.

Reaction: Canada calls.

Action: Arizona might ban texting while driving.

Reaction: Since Arizona is a “carry” state, they must be afraid that texting while driving might interfere with reloading their weapons.

NINTY-SIX YEARS OF FAILURE

In 1913, the Seventeenth Amendment to the United States Constitution was ratified. It stipulated that Senators would be elected by the people, rather than appointed by state legislatures. The purpose of this progressive reform was to lessen the control of interest groups who dominated their respective state legislatures resulting the appointment of a “steel” Senator from here, and “oil” Senator from there and a “railroad” Senator from over there.

But here it is 2009, and not that much has changed. By donating huge sums of money, interest groups still control the votes of far too many U.S. Senators.

A solution? See my Utopia above.<<<

This partial headline from Friday’s LA Times is one of thousands of examples to justify my position directly above.

Opposition from the U.S. drug industry could endanger the healthcare overhaul.

The companies cite “safety issues” to justify their negative position. The safety they are concerned about is that of their huge profits.<<<

STRANGE BUT TRUE

A study of several hundred British dairies published in the journal Anthrozoös in March show that cows with names give 6 percent more milk a year than nameless cows.<<<

ASK THE ANSWER MAN

Q Mr. Answer Man: Where can I go to find peace?

A: It is different for everyone. Personally, I find peace at on the deck at Nepenthe in Big Sur. Forests and meadows surround you on three sides and on the fourth, the Pacific breaks against the shore far below. Buy a cup of black or a glass of red, sit quietly and let peace engulf you.

My second spot for peace is in our back yard, where you can join Barbara and me. You bring the steaks. I’ll cook them.

A third spot is Fosselman’s where, as I finish my chocolate-coffee malt and watch people with hot fudge sundaes walk past, I can signal the man behind the counter with an all-encompassing gesture to tell him - I want more of that and two of those!<<<

Nobody 795c

Sunday, December 6, 2009
Nobody # 795

Nobody Asked Me But:

“We live in an age obsessed with “reality” and overrun by fakers.” Maureen Dowd

SARAH STRIKES (OUT) AGAIN

THE ALPHA

In her book “Going Rogue,” Palin quotes legendary coach John Wooden as saying “We remember the land. We remember that our grandfathers paid for it with their lives.” Grandfathers? Doesn’t quite sound like Coach Wooden. That’s because it wasn’t. The man who said these words was Native American activist John Wooden Leg.<<<

IN MY UTOPIA

The success of public education will be measured by the fact that no one over 21 says dude.

Anyone who vandalizes gas pumps at filling stations by defacing the pumps so that they are unreadable will be imprisoned for life. (As you know, I do not believe in capital punishment.)

The political left will once and for all get the message that strong is good and flailing is bad.

Gloria Allred, Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton will stop being media whores. (OK – so I want the impossible.)

HOW A TAX REFUND CHANGED A LIFE.

In 1973, when ESPN's Bill Simmons, “The Sports Guy,” was 4, His father received an income tax refund - either $200 or $600 depending on whether you trust mom's memory or dad's. Dad wanted to use it to buy a motorcycle. Mom said, "when you bring it home be sure to kiss me goodbye."

So dad turned to his second choice, a season ticket to the Celtics. ($4 a game bought him a seat, 5 rows behind the visitor’s bench.) Dad had to make one more concession. He would take Bill with him and let him set on dad's lap.

From lap, to standing in the runway through which the Celtics ran onto the court, to shagging balls during warm ups: Dad lost his chance for motorcycle. Bill found his career.<<<

AFGHANISTAN

As much as I would like for us to get out now, President Obama’s decision is a reasonable alternative. Unlike Iraq, Afghanistan was a moral war. We were defending ourselves. But once our attention shifted away from al Qaeda and as we continue to support a corrupt government our moral cause became murky.

Anything close to a total victory in the “Poppy Paradise” is not possible. So let us do the best we can within the announced timeline and then bring our people home.<<<

SPORTS PAGE

How about this from Yahoo sports? No wonder Arizona lost the game. - :43.1 Arizona – Kyle Fogg misses a 999’-jumper.<<<

Double P, (For promising and pig-headed) otherwise know as Drew Gordon, left the UCLA basketball team this past week, because of a misunderstanding when he was recruited. He thought he was going to be allowed to coach the Bruins, and Ben Howland said no. While this may turn out to be addition through subtraction for UCLA, it is a troubling reminder of the huge ego problem in college basketball. Many of the elite players are coddled by high school, and amateur coaches, parents and other hangers on all wanting a piece of the ego action or future bucks or both.

Coach Ben has always recruited for character. Drew and Jrue Holiday were anomalies – I hope!<<<

Jerry Tarkanian was a dirty coach but a funny one, as in when he used to say he loved Pac-10 transfers because “they already had their cars paid for.”<<<

Post-game arrogance - Let’s hear from USC linebacker Malcolm Smith (who’s brother Steve, now a wide-out for the New York Giants, went to Hale): " Not saying anything bad about them but they really weren't a tough offense."

WOW! It is a good thing that he wasn’t saying anything bad about them??<<<

Action: McCain challenges Obama

Reaction: Obama says no because “when he left the White House, Teddy Roosevelt took all the boxing gloves with him.”<<<

HAVE A GOOD ONE

My wife called the Crayola Company last week to check to on something or other, the person she talked to ended the conversation with: “ Have a colorful day.” It’s a small thing but kind of neat.<<<

COMMENT/RESPONSE

From the thousands of comments about last week’s Nobody, I chose these two for a response.

G: “Why the two-party limit? Why not open up Congress to anyone elected, regardless of party? Is it to encourage registration with a specific party? Or to limit a minority party's ability to control legislation?”

Me: The latter. I don't like government by coalition. I want each party to be burdened with and freed by responsibility. And I want the voters to make the either/or choice so that they can fix responsibility.

L: “Devil's advocate says that Pete Carroll DID take a knee and offer some sort of courtesy to the Bruins.”

Me: There is a difference between a team that is losing choosing, on principle, to fight to the end and a team that is winning by a margin impossible to overcome, playing to score again.<<<

Q: Mr. Answer Man. What are your five favorite rock songs during the period from 1960-1999?

AM: As soon as I name five, I will think of some that I forgot. But here goes, and I am including Folk Rock as well. My five choices encompass only three artists.

Paul Simon
Graceland
Bridge Over Troubled Water

John Lennon
In My Life
Imagine

Bob Dylan
Blowing In The Wind<<<

CAPITALISM AND DARWIN

If there was a God, and if She had a sense of humor, She would have a cosmic laugh out of the irony and contradiction that is the United States of America. We are a nation that clings to religion and denies evolution. And yet, we are one of the most Darwinian countries in the world. The basic tenant of capitalism is survival of the fittest. I will get mine even if it means stepping all over you. And sometimes I may even take pleasure in the stepping all over part.

Say all you want about the social welfare state, and I may even agree with some of what you stay. But at least social welfare has a heart whereas capitalism simply has a dollar sign.<<<

AND THE OMEGA (Sarah again)

Bill Littlejohn of South Lake Tahoe, Calif., sent this e-mail to the LA Times - "I can't wait to get to the part where she talks about George Washington Carver crossing the Delaware.”<<<