Nobody 810

Sunday, March 14, 2009
Nobody # 810

Nobody Asked Me But:

“I have just wasted an hour of your time."

Do you believe in redemption? I do. Especially after what happened last week. I was ready to give ex-Congressman Eric Massa, aka “the groper," a bad time for his ever-changing explanations for why he resigned his House seat. But then Massa went on Glen Beck's show and forced the Peter Pan of darkness to come clean, to finally admit the truth. When Beck confessed, “I have just wasted an hour of your time," he not only struck a blow for truth, he also gave himself, as Jon Stewart pointed out, the perfect closing line for every show he will ever do.<<<

IN MY UTOPIA

Weather people will have to do a better job. They will be required to get their heads out of the clouds and reach an accurate consensus in their weather forecasts. Anyone who misses his forecast by more than 4 degrees will have to do penance by working as a television weather person for one month, with slicked-down hair and garish clothing.

Since I am tired of cheering for recovering “whatevers,” fiction writers will undergo a 12-step program to free themselves from creating heroes with substance abuse problems.

College basketball coaches will not be allowed to call time outs while the ball is in play.

Cars will emit some kind of force field barrier that will prevent other cars from following too closely.

Sara Palin will no longer confuse herself with God, as in: “God also wrote crib notes on his palm, and if it's good enough for him…”<<<

IMPORTANT THINGS I HAVE LEARNED ABOUT LIFE

If you can, marry someone who gets her/his hair cut in Laguna Beach. (See picture above – no, not the beignets, but they were great too.)<<<

As of today, I am making it official. The Lakers made a mistake by letting Trevor Ariza get away and signing Ron Artest to replace him. Trevor brought as much defense, although a different kind, more offense and much more energy and speed to the lineup.<<<

Laker add on: Lamar Odem should start for the Lakers and Artest should come off the bench.<<<

AT THE MOVIES

The early scenes in “Up,” which trace the evolution of Carl and Ellie’s great love, were among the finest and most touching in any film that I have ever seen, live or cartoon.<<< As much as I like Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin, I thought they were terrible as hosts at the Academy Awards.<<<

Question: HOW LOW CAN YOU GO?

Answer: Pretty damn low if you are Liz Cheney Her group, Keep America Safe, earned the distain of even many fellow conservatives by labeling the lawyers who defended terrorism suspects “the al-Queda seven.” A group of Federalist Society lawyers, calling themselves “conservatives with integrity,” wondered if Keep America Safe would have questioned John Adams’ patriotism after he defended the British soldiers after the Boston Massacre?

Lesson learned: Like the proverbial apple not falling far from the tree, a zealot doesn’t fall far from her father.<<<

TOTO – I DON’T THINK WE ARE IN KANSAS ANYMORE (this seems more like TexOZ.)

Last week the conservative majority on the Texas Board of Education ruled that history courses must teach that real America is white, Republican, God-fearing, profit driven and was created in six days.<<<

Action: The Israeli government spits at Biden and the U.S. by announcing new settlement building while he is there.

Reaction: When will we have the guts to say to them – stop building or we stop all $$$?<<<

If you are a sports fan, let me send you the link to the greatest bargain on the Internet - The Sporting News Today. I have mentioned it before, but it is worth repeating. Waiting for me every morning when I wake up is a great summary of news and opinions about the previous day in sports. It has become my daily must read, and it is FREE! Now, please excuse me while I read it.<<<

News item: While in college, Karl Rove flunked out of his logic class but received an A+ in Autocratic Presidents 1A. Think I am making things up? Then check out this exercise in illogic from Rove’s just-published book:

1. President Bush never authorized torture.
2. President Bush authorized waterboarding.
3. Therefore: Waterboarding is not torture.<<<

And is it true that, as a 10-year-old, Rove took his hard right turn after being beaten up by a little girl down the street because he had a Nixon sticker on his bike? (She was, of course, a Kennedy fan.)

It must be, because he writes about it in his book<<<

As a kid, I wasn’t a huge hockey fan, but I followed the Red Wings because they were from Michigan. My favorite player was Gordie Howe who is one of the NFL’s all-time top 5. Did you know that Howe played until he was 51?<<<

ASK A REPUBLICAN

If state governments are, as they claim, so much more trustworthy, then why are so many states, some controlled by Democrats, some by Republicans, in as much financial trouble as the federal government?<<<

Did you ever wonder how much the clergy really believe in all the ceremony and the sacraments vs. how much they see it as smoke and mirrors designed to, at best, comfort people or at worst persuade them to surrender wealth and power?<<<

THE ANSWER MAN

Q: What is a rhetorical question?

A: A question for which the answer is already known. Example: Does Glen Beck have no shame?<<<

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN BILLY BOY, BILLY BOY- OR A SIMPLE DISH TOO LONG NEGLECTED.

I usually go for berry or coconut cream or pecan but lately I have been craving a slice of cherry pie a la mode. Actually, make that two slices.<<<