Nobody 850

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Nobody # 850

Nobody Asked Me But:

Sarah on the defensive – “All media except for Fox and The Wall Street Journal are just mummies trying to suck my blood. But they cannot Jew me down. I will continue to urge my followers to reload those surveyor’s scopes.”

President Hu Jintao to President Obama – “How dare you lecture us on human rights when people in your country are continually exposed to movies starring Adam Sandler.”<<<

I assume that you read that Keith Olbermann was fired by MSNBSEE-how gutless we can be?

This past week was “take a gun to school week” in Los Angeles, sadly evident at Gardena High where two students were wounded when a gun discharged in a third student’s backpack. If this had taken place in Arizona, with their “anyone can carry anywhere” law, the teacher and three students would have pulled their weapons and shot that damn backpack to pieces.<<<

One of the great myths of the past 100 years is that the NRA’s absolutist position on the right to own guns is based on the Second Amendment, when, in fact, it is based on the Twenty-eighth – the right of gun manufacturers and dealers to make obscene profits.

Did you know that on average in the U.S. there are 82 gunshot deaths a day?<<<

And while on the subject of amendments, here are the first 2 as written for the conservative constitution.

1. Congress shall make no law abridging the Freedom of Speech, except where citizens desecrate the Flag of the United States; respecting an establishment of Religion, except to support Christian schools, religious apparitions in food products and the display of crosses and creches in public places; or abridging the free exercise of Religion, except to block the construction of mosques in sensitive areas as determined by Florida Pastors or the Fox News Channel.

2. The right to bear Semi-Automatic Weapons, AK-47s or Bazookas shall not be infringed by background checks, safety locks, age limits or common sense. - David Cole, Georgetown University<<<

I am very worried about the sanity level of my fellow Americans. (People over 50.) It’s not because the majority sees Obama as a failed president, although I think that’s pretty crazy. It’s because in a recent presidential preference poll for 2012, their choice is Betty White.<<<

Is the best team the one that was the most consistent winner over the long season or the short play-offs? Call me a traditionalist. Call me old fashion. Heck, just call me bitter after the Patriots loss last Sunday. Single elimination tournaments and the inclusion of wild card teams strongly decrease the chance of the sport’s best team being crowned national champion.<<<

Did you hear that because Amy Chau made her daughter stand outside in the frigid winter weather for failing to practice the piano as instructed, the girl froze up during her recital?<<<

If you can name an offensive player who is more valuable to his team than Derrick Williams is to Arizona I probably won’t agree.<<<

Clarence Thomas to Antonin Scalia – “Are you going to skip the Tea Party Convention this year Antonin?”

Scalia – “No! If I did it would be a conflict of interest.”

If you were paying attention, you will remember that three weeks ago, I named T. Jefferson Parker’s “Iron River” as my favorite book of 2010. I am happy to report that I finished Parker’s new novel, “The Border Lords,” and thought it to be a close second among equals. “Border Lords” is the fourth of six Parker novels about the free flow of drugs north from Mexico and guns south into the hands of drug cartels. So far each side has its wins and losses as right and wrong battle it out. Hopefully, by the end of six, the wrong shall totally fail and the right, prevail.<<<

Here’s The Roving Reporter reporting from Arizona. “Excuse me sir,” (to man with Hands Off Our Kids sign) “why do you object so much to Michelle Obama’s open letter to parents?”

A: “Because she is too blaa-aa, she’s too blaa-aa, too blaa-aa, she’s too tall.”<<<

Did you read that in their book “Academically Adrift,” the authors, Arum and Roksa, claim that nearly 50% of college students learn little in their first two years? I am a living contradiction to their study. By the middle of my sophomore year at the University of Arizona I had aced the PPSE exam – that’s Ping Pong Stroke Efficiency to those unaware of the challenges of the Wildcat curriculum.<<<

How can I be excited about the mob roundup in New York and New Jersey last week when they left the Corleones and the Sopranos untouched?<<<

“They call me a dreamer/Well maybe I am/But I know that I’m burning to see,” which leads me to:

Wouldn’t it be nice if on at least some of the most contentious issues separating us, people started listening with an open mind and a willingness to compromise? For instance, gun control. There are a few advocates for both sides that will never budge, but perhaps the others could have a conversation something like this:

Spokesperson for pro-gun group – If we believed that you were not planning to ban gun ownership completely, we can agree to some restrictions.

Spokesperson for anti-gun group – If we can agree on reasonable restrictions, your basic right of gun ownership is safe with us.

And then go from this starting point to a few reasonable compromises such as banning private ownership of assault weapons or toughening pre-purchase check-ups.

And for abortion, the same thing - Isolate the on demand people and the never-never people and have the rest dialogue to compromise.

However, there are certain issues for which there is no middle ground. One such is gay rights. Basic human rights are a constitutional guarantee and should not be subject to compromise.<<<

THE HIDDEN MIKE – this is a new feature where a Nobody microphone listens in on the real stories of history. It is January 1919, Woodrow Wilson and French Minister Georges Clemenceau are discussing treaty terms for the surrender of Germany.

Wilson – “But Minister Clemenceau, your terms are too harsh. They would totally ruin the German economy and condemn their people to second-class status.”

Clemenceau - “You do not understand Mr. President. The French are no good at fighting or winning wars. So we must get our victories, make our gains at the conference table. We must win the peace!”<<<

I started this Nobody by putting words in Sarah’s mouth that I think are consistent with her regular rants. So, I will close the same way.

Sarah: “It is wrong to politicize the Arizona massacre, which was just a random act by a lift-wing nut.”

Despite politics, life is good!