Sunday, November 1, 2009
Nobody # 790

Nobody Asked Me But:

In 2004, Cardinal Ratzinger, who would become Pope Benedict XVI, wrote a Vatican document urging women to be “submissive partners, resisting any adversarial roles with men and cultivating feminine values like listening, welcoming, humility, faithfulness, praise and waiting.”

What is little known is that Ratzinger also had guidelines for men. These rules, long thought lost, have recently been rediscovered. Here they are.

Belch all you want.
Be boorish in every situation.
Bash gays – both verbally and physically.
Prey on little boys if you so desire.
Screw every humble woman who listens, welcomes, praises and waits faithfully.<<<

I went to a bookstore the other day and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?" She said that if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.<<<

CEO CODE OF ETHICS Everybody needs a code, an ethical standard by which to live. Nobody, through its sources, has just discovered the CEO Code of Ethics and Standards. It has two parts.
(1) Reward for the good times, because we created them.

(2) No punishment for the bad times, because they are not our fault.<<<

Note: The picture above shows several CEOs who gave themselves large bonuses and were immediately turned to stone. New Yorkers are asking: Did God do it? Did Obama do it? Or are God and Obama one and the same?<<<

If you are concerned about the difference between campaign expectations and the reality of the Obama presidency so far read Anna Quindlen’s excellent essay in the current Time Magazine, linked here – http://www.newsweek.com/id/219371.

In a side bar Quindlen makes this excellent point about the public option – “By the way, if you're confused about the public option, just ask yourself this question: Would you like to be eligible for Medicare at 40 rather than 65?”<<<

CNN Poll: Would you pay $4.95 to attend a motivational speech by President George W. Bush?

Yes – 52,934= 31%

No: 118154 = 69%

I am one of the yeses. $4.95 to hear an ex-president speak? That is the bargain of the year.<<<

Seen recently on a Tee shirt - London Paris Rome Camarillo.<<<

GREAT MOVIE REVIEW ONE-LINERS

“Director Peter Billingsley shot most of ‘Couples Retreat’ in Bora Bora. The results are boring boring.”<<<

A GUY CAN CHANGE, CAN’T HE?

This next statement may damage my credibility with all of you. After all, I'm the guy who told you that a Coldstone Sweet Cream with raspberry mix in (when fixed right) along with Starbuck's black chaser was one of life's ultimate eating experiences.

Ah, but there's the rub - when fixed right. The Sweet Cream must be of perfect consistency, neither too hard nor too soft. And there must be exactly the right amount of raspberries mixed in perfectly.

My new number one has no contingencies. A Coldstone chocolate malt is always perfect and every sip, followed by a sip of black, makes “my eyes light up and my tummy say howdy.”<<<

SPORTS PAGE

(Sports Editor pictured here.)

At the PAC-10 basketball media day Thursday, Oregon Coach Ernie Kent joked that people were coming up to him and asking, “Aren’t you the president’s brother-in-law?” (Mistaking him for Oregon State Coach Craig Robinson.)

You can see why people made that mistake. Kent and Robinson are both – - quite tall.<<<

Action: USC President Steven B. Sample to step down in August.

Reaction: WOW! I know Oregon smashed the Trojans yesterday, but I didn’t think Sample would take it that seriously.<<<

And should it be against the law for the University of Arizona to continue to call itself “Point Guard U?”

Let’s examine the evidence. Arizona has 4 current NBA players who play all or some at point guard - Gilbert Arenas, Jerad Bayless, Mike Bibby and Jason Terry.

UCLA has 6 – Baron Davis, Earl Watson, Jordan Farmar, Darren Collison, Jrue Holiday, and Russell Westbrook.

It is hereby ordered that the University of Arizona stop, cease and desist from using the nickname Point Guard U and immediately transfer position of said nickname to UCLA.<<<

Chris Erskine had a wonderful piece in the LA Times last week about his love for baseball and the Dodgers. But he does think games should be shorter saying: “The only thing that should last five hours is a dinner with Mel Brooks.”<<<

WORLD SERIES PREVIEW

This preview was written before game one – and before I read other previews.

Infield
Philadelphia - very good
Yankees - superb
Edge - Yankees

Outfield
Philadelphia - very good
Yankees - average
Edge - Philadelphia

Catcher
Philadelphia - very good
Yankees - very good
Edge - even

Starting pitchers
Philadelphia – Lee = excellent, Pedro – VG, then tails off badly
Yankees – Sabathia = excellent, Pettitte = VG, tails off
Edge – Yankees (slight)

Relief
Philadelphia - low average
Yankees - Excellent
Edge - Yankees

Bench, including DH
Philadelphia - above average
Yankees - above average
Edge - even

Hitting Philadelphia - excellent
Yankees - excellent
Edge - even

Fielding Philadelphia - excellent
Yankees - very good
Edge – Philadelphia

Prediction – Yankees in 7 in an exciting World Series.<<<

Is Cliff Lee a closet Harlem Globetrotter?

Did you see the two fielding plays Mr. Nonchalant Pitcher made in game one? First was the pop fly he caught one-handed with a bored expression on his face. The second was the behind-the-back stab of the ground ball with another ho hum expression that gave way to a small smile.<<<

THE UNEMPLOYED

Senator John Barrasso, Republican of Wyoming: “This energy tax bill will be an American job killer. It’s the next attempt by the administration to promise jobs for all, create some for a few, and let the rest of us fend for ourselves.”

Reaction – Us? Does Barrasso consider serving as Senator as being unemployed? In his case, who am I to argue?<<<

Some call this home office for Longaberger hand-crafted baskets one of the world’s ugliest building. But I think it is great.<<<

40% of all Americans actively deny evolution as compared with 27% in Turkey, 15% in Iceland and 13% in Britain.

Let’s see now, where to move. Turkey? I don’t think so. Iceland? Intriguing but how many hot tub experiences does a guy need? Britain? Maybe – except for the blasted fog.<<<

So Arizona is about to turn over their prisons to a private company. I don’t like it! I do not recommend an easy life for those convicted of serious crimes, but neither do I like the idea prisons for profit. Too much possibility for barbarism.<<<

Q: Will a public option in the proposed health care bill really undercut private insurers?

A: Let’s hope so.<<<